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David Sedaris

David Sedaris Quotes

Humorist

David Sedaris, born on December 26, 1956, is an American humorist. His works are known for their unique sense of humor and profound insights into everyday life. Sedaris' writing often takes the form of memoir, narrating his personal experiences and observations.

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All People Ifs Writing Thinking Want Book Looks Knows Way Firsts Humor Wells Said Sometimes Years Feels Stories Persons Kind Made

Famous David Sedaris Quotes

“It can take years. With the first draft, I just write everything. With the second draft, it becomes so depressing for me, because I realize that I was fooled into thinking I'd written the story. I hadn't-I had just typed for a long time. So then I have to carve out a story from the 25 or so pages. It's in there somewhere-but I have to find it. I'll then write a third, fourth, and fifth draft, and so on.”

Thinking Writing Years Firsts Long Stories Realizing Written Pages Long Time Thirds Fourth Depressing Fifth Fooled

Author:David Sedaris

“When I taught, a lot of my students weren't big readers, so they would write something and I realized that they thought it belonged in a book. Like, they didn't know what the inside of a book looked like, you know what I mean?”

Knows Writing Mean Book Bigs Students Taught Like You Reader I Realized

Author:David Sedaris

“I tend to write things seven times before I show them to my editor. I write them seven times, then I take them on tour, read them like a dozen times on tour, then go back to the room and rewrite, read and rewrite... I would never show him a first draft, because then he's really going to be sick of it by the twelfth draft.”

Writing Firsts Shows Rooms Sick Seven Editors Dozen Editing

Author:David Sedaris

“I met a young woman the other day, and she said, what advice would you have for a writer, and I said it would be to work every day... Your job is to write. The rest of it will take care of itself. But, generally, it seems ... you know how that is, you meet people and they have a talent for self-promotion. Those are the pushy people. And you know their writing's not going to be any good, because that's not their talent.”

People Knows Writing Said Self Seems Would Be Care Jobs Young Know How Advice Talent Mets Take Care Young Women Promotion Self Promotion Pushy

Author:David Sedaris

“I don't write about sex because it's not really my subject. I love it when other people write about it, but it's not my subject, and I don't want anyone I've had sex with to write about it. Plus, you're in front of an audience, and they picture wherever you're writing about. I'm 52; no one in the audience wants to picture that.”

People Want Writing Sex Audience Subjects Fronts Plus

Author:David Sedaris

“I mean, I'm always happy if I have, like, humiliating asshole things that I did. I think: Oh good, that's a good story. Because if you write about humiliating asshole things other people do it doesn't work as well. I mean, you can, but you can get away with it better if you talk about what an asshole you are. It's much easier.”

People Ifs Thinking Writing Wells Mean Stories Easier Get Away Good Story Humiliating Always Happy

Author:David Sedaris

“I'm glad that I didn't have the Internet when I started writing. I started writing when I was 20 and didn't show a word of it to anyone until I was 28. I had the sense to keep it to myself. Now the temptation with blogs and such, they're just getting it out there; maybe it would have been best to keep it to themselves.”

Writing Has Beens Shows Internet Glad Temptation Blogs

Author:David Sedaris

“I think I became a better writer after I started writing for the New Yorker. Well, I know I did. And part of it was having my New Yorker editor and part of it is that was when I started really going on tour and reading things in front of an audience 30 times and then going back in the room and rewriting it and reading it and rewriting it. So you really get the rhythm of the sentences down and you really get the flow down and you get rid of stuff that's not important.”

Thinking Knows Writing Wells Important Reading Stuff Rooms Audience Fronts Flow Down And Sentences Rhythm Editors New Yorkers Rewriting

Author:David Sedaris

“Write relentlessly, until you find your voice. Then, use it.”

Writing Use Voice

Author:David Sedaris

“I don't worry about being exposed. When I'm writing about myself I think about myself as a character. There is a ton of stuff going on in my life that I don't write about. If I need to write that stuff down, I write about myself in my diary.”

Ifs Thinking Needs Writing Character Stuff Worry Exposed Diaries

Author:David Sedaris

“There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.”

Writing Happens

Author:David Sedaris

“My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her.”

People Writing Years Said Stories Wanted Months Six Years Ago Worried My Sister Six Months Like Her

Author:David Sedaris

“No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.”

Should Writing Trying Dialect

Author:David Sedaris

“I think if you write humor, then people don't - you know - they don't give you that much credit. They tend to think you just dictate your stories into a tape recorder. And I'm not necessarily insulted by that, because I think that just means that it looks easy.”

People Ifs Thinking Knows Giving Writing Looks Mean Stories Easy Community Comedy Human Nature Individuality Credit Ideology Tape Insulted Recorders

Author:David Sedaris

“Sometimes you read something and it's just -- it doesn't invite a reader....Sometimes you read something and it's not saying, 'oh come in, come in have a seat. I'm going to tell you what happened.' Perhaps my writing comes off as conversational...and that takes effort.”

Writing Sometimes Community Effort Happened Human Nature Reader Individuality Seats Invites

Author:David Sedaris

“I'm not afraid to write about madness. I always figure that whatever most embarrasses you is something that everyone can relate to, really...because we're just not that different. So if you think, 'Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I can't possibly talk about that,' and you write about it, the audience is gonna be like, 'that happened to me!”

Ifs Thinking Writing I Can Different Reality Community Audience Comedy Generations Happened Human Nature Figures Madness Unity Relate Not Afraid Embarrassing

Author:David Sedaris

“Writing helped to have jobs that involved running around, pushing things like dish carts and wheelbarrows. It would be hard to sit at a desk all day, and then come to sit at another desk. Also, it helps to abandon hope. If I sit at my computer, determined to write a New Yorker story I won't get beyond the first sentence. It's better to put no pressure on it. What would happen if I followed the previous sentence with this one, I'll think. If the eighth draft is torture, the first should be fun. At least if you're writing humor.”

“I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.”

Ifs Knows Writing

Author:David Sedaris

“Whenever I write about my family, I start by getting my parent`s approval. I like to think I write about them with obvious affection. When it comes to the people I'm related to, I consider myself to be very lucky.”

People Thinking Writing Parent Lucky My Family Affection Obvious Related Approval

Author:David Sedaris

“I've maintained old friendships, like with people I knew in the nineteen-seventies, but have lost the knack for meeting new people. This has a lot to do with my writing schedule. I don't want to be disturbed, and the willingness to be disturbed is, I think, part of being a good friend.”

People Thinking Want Writing Lost Meetings Willingness Good Friend Schedules Seventies Disturbed Old Friends Nineteen Knack Meeting New People Being A Good Friend Old Friendship

Author:David Sedaris

“I like high school and college writing textbooks and find them very helpful. Whenever I'm stuck and seem to have no ideas, I open one up and turn to the back. There I'll find questions like, "Have you had any experiences with an alcoholic or a sailor?"”

Writing Ideas Seems School Turns College High School Stuck No Idea Helpful Alcoholics Sailor Textbooks

Author:David Sedaris

“There are a lot of college writing textbooks that will include essays and short stories, and after reading the story or essay, there will be questions such as "Have YOU Had any experience with a pedophile in YOUR family?" or "When was the last time you saw YOUR mother drunk?" and they're just really good at prompting stories. You answer the question, and sometimes that can spring into a story.”

Writing Sometimes Stories Lasts Mother Reading Answers Saws College Spring Drunk Our Family Short Story Last Time Essays Textbooks

Author:David Sedaris

“I would start by writing to an adult, maybe a high school teacher, or maybe an aunt or uncle, and writing and telling them why you want to go to a particular university. That's probably what you would actually sound like. Then write your letter to the university, and put those 2 versions in front of you, and look at the difference between those 2 things.”

Want Writing Looks School Sound Differences Teacher Fronts Particular High School Adults Letters University Versions Uncles Aunt School Teachers High School Teachers

Author:David Sedaris

“All of a sudden, when you're exposed to a large audience, they think you just started writing that day, but I started years before. I look back at things I wrote then and I'm so embarrassed - the writing seems so blocky and choppy to me and I wouldn't have wanted success any sooner because the writing was even worse.”

Thinking Writing Years Looks Seems Wanted Audience Exposed Embarrassed

Author:David Sedaris

“In America, if your next-door neighbor has a Rolls-Royce, you want one too. But in England, if your neighbor has a Rolls-Royce, you want him to die in a fiery accident. That's a quote from someone else, but there's something about American optimism, that feeling you can do anything if you're at least middle class in America. If I can have a writing career, anyone can. There's nothing special about me.”

Ifs Want Writing I Can Feelings America Dies Next Can Do Class Careers Doors Middle Special Optimism England Accidents Neighbor Middle Class Fiery Want Him Rolls Royce Next Door Neighbors

Author:David Sedaris

“The difference between writing where you know where to draw the line and writing where you're being way too mean is whether you can tell that the writer is not talking to family or friends anymore. Generally, if you say something bad about somebody on stage, you need to say two bad things about yourself. A lot of times, I think I'm the worst person in the room.”

Ifs Thinking Knows Way Needs Writing Mean Persons Two Differences Lines Rooms Talking Worst Stage Draws Bad Things About Yourself Not Talking Worst Person

Author:David Sedaris

“I started writing when I was twenty. My first book came out when I was thirty-five. But I never expected that it would happen quickly.”

Writing Firsts Book Happens Five Twenties Expected Thirty

Author:David Sedaris

“I would be writing and trying to write like Joan Didion. Or if I was reading Raymond Carver. You know, strong stylists. But that's how you find your voice, is imitating other people. So things like that didn't embarrass me, because I thought, well, that's how it goes. That's how everyone learns.”

People Writing Trying Reading Strong Carver

Author:David Sedaris

“I'm so old that when I started keeping a diary they were in actual books, and I think that's one the reasons that I've never written about sex. Because early on you had to worry that someone was going to find your diary, so it's bad enough to be writing like Joan Didion, but writing like Joan Didion about sex acts you'd performed with somebody you had known for 20 minutes, that's a bit worse. So I would write in my diary, "I met J. and we had sex five times last night." But I would never write about what we did.”

Thinking Writing Book Reason Enough Night Worry Last Night

Author:David Sedaris

“I started typing diary in, I don't know, 1978 or '79, but then the computer changed that a lot. Because with the computer if you were writing and you realized you had three sentences in a row that started with the word "he," you could fix that right up, whereas on a typewriter you'd think, "Well, I'm not going to change the whole page. It's my diary." So that made a difference.”

Thinking Writing Changed Computer Typing

Author:David Sedaris

“I think it just has to do with getting older and getting better at what it was I was doing, and that I could take something small and kind of take my time with it. I think actually what that has to do with is I quit drinking. Before that I told myself I could only drink if I was - if I was writing, I had to be drinking. So I was on a timer, because eventually you get too drunk to write.”

Thinking Writing Kind Drink Drinking Quitting Drunk Get Better Getting Old Getting Older I Quit Quit Drinking

Author:David Sedaris

“Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in my diary for hours if I feel like it. And I'm still sober so I can write the stories that I'm working on, and I can sit at the desk as long as I need to. So that changed a lot, I think.”

Thinking Writing Long Hours Morning Changed Drink Sober

Author:David Sedaris

“There's no such thing as a folk writer. There's no such thing as somebody who's never read a book before suddenly sitting down one day and writing one. You have to learn how to captivate a reader. Right? And I don't mean you have to go to school for it. But if you're - if you pay attention, you can learn it by reading books. And so I feel like I learned a lot by reading books.”

Writing Mean Book School Reading Attention One Day Pay Attention Reading Books

Author:David Sedaris

“Maybe one day, I would write a story about arguing in public, and those would come in handy in some way.”

Writing One Day Arguing Handy

Author:David Sedaris

“I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.”

“I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.”

Writing Years Firsts Book Twenties Seventeen

Author:David Sedaris

“I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.”

Ifs Knows Feels Writing Watches Cry Satire Glee Melodrama

Author:David Sedaris

“A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.”

Writing Stories Stuff Fit Insightful Take Me Short Story Uneasy Writing Short Stories

Book:Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules

Source: Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules

“Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it.”

People Giving Writing Stuff Realizing Written Illusion Journalist Illusion Of Control

Author:David Sedaris

“When forced to leave my house for an extended period of time, I take my typewriter with me, and together we endure the wretchedness of passing through the X-ray scanner. The laptops roll merrily down the belt, while I’m instructed to stand aside and open my bag. To me it seems like a normal enough thing to be carrying, but the typewriter’s declining popularity arouses suspicion and I wind up eliciting the sort of reaction one might expect when traveling with a cannon. It’s a typewriter,’ I say. ‘You use it to write angry letters to airport security.”

Source: Me Talk Pretty One Day

“At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.”

Writing Firsts Imagine Scary New Yorkers Typefaces

Author:David Sedaris

“She's afraid to tell me anything important, knowing I'll only turn around and write about it. In my mind, I'm like a friendly junkman, building things from the little pieces of scrap I find here and there, but my family's started to see things differently. Their personal lives are the so-called pieces of scrap I so casually pick up, and they're sick of it. More and more often their stories begin with the line "You have to swear you'll never repeat this." I always promise, but it's generally understood that my word means nothing.”

“Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems were for alcoholics, and Mores were for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren't.”

People Writing Sex Black Class Merit Smoking Black People Addict Alcoholics Outrageous Camels Lower Class Procrastinator Salem

Author:David Sedaris

“I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.”

Writing Reserves

Author:David Sedaris

“I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking.”

Thinking Writing Firsts Force Written Identity Twenties Afternoon

Author:David Sedaris

“The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing.”

Giving Writing Real Advice

Author:David Sedaris

“I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.”

Way Writing Use Used Tools Exaggeration Humorists

Author:David Sedaris

“When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.”

People Thinking Writing Trying Looks Hard Stuff Written Trying Too Hard

Author:David Sedaris

About the Author

Born: December 26, 1956
Known for: Humorist
Quotes: 371

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