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The Midnight Library

Book by Matt Haig · 50 quotes · Matt Haig, The Midnight Library, Life

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The Midnight Library Quotes

“But what if one day there is no video store?' Nora thought about Mrs. Elm, panicking at the computer, and the flickering lights in the library. 'What if one day you disappear for good? Before you have found a life to settle in?' He shrugged, 'Then I will die. And it means I would have died anyway. In the life I lived before, I kind of like being a slider. I like imperfection. I like keeping death as an option. I like never having to settle.' 'I think my situation is different. I think my death is more imminent. If I don't find a life to live in pretty soon, I think I'll be gone for good.”

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“Think about it. Think about how we start off...as thing set thing. Like the seed of a tree planted in the ground. And then we...we grow...we grow...and at first we are a trunk...' Absolutely nothing. 'But then the tree — the tree that is our life — develops branches. And think of all those branches, departing from the trunk at different heights. And think of all those branches, branching off again, heading in often opposing directions. Think of those branches becoming other branches, and those becoming twigs. And think of the end of each of those twigs, all in different places, having started from the same one. A life is like that, but on a bigger scale. New branches are formed every second of every day. And from our perspective — from everyone's perspective — it feels like a...like a continuum. Each twig has travelled only one journey. But there are still other twigs. And there are also other todays. Other lives that would have been different if you'd taken different directions earlier in your life. This is a tree of life. Lots of religions and mythologies have talked about the tree of life. It's there in Buddhism, Judaism and Christianity. Lots of philosophers and writers have talked about tree metaphors too. For Sylvia Plath, existence was a fig tree and each possible life she could live — the happily-married one, the successful-poet one — was this sweet juicy fig, but she couldn't get to taste the sweet juicy figs and so they just rotted right in front of her. It can drive you insane, thinking of all the other lives we don't live. 'For instance, in most of my lives I am not standing at this podium talking to you about success...In most lives I am not an Olympic gold medalist.' She remembered something Mrs. Elm had told her in the Midnight Library. 'You see, doing one thing differently is very often the same as doing everything differently. Actions can't be reversed within a lifetime, however much we try...' People were listening now. They clearly needed a Mrs. Elm in their lives. 'The only way to learn is to live.”

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“You see, I know that you were expecting my TED talk on the path to success. But the truth is that success is a delusion. It's all a delusion. I mean, yes, there are things we can overcome. For instance, I am someone who gets stage fright and yet, here I am, on a stage. Look at me...on a stage! And someone told me recently, they told me that my problem isn't actually stage fright. My problem is life fright. And you know what? They're fucking right. Because life is frightening, and it is frightening for a reason, and the reason is that it doesn't matter which branch of a life we get to live, we are always the same rotten tree. I wanted to be many things in my life. All kinds of things. But if your life is rotten, it will be rotten no matter what you do. The damp rots the whole useless thing...”

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“And...and the thing is...the thing is...what we consider to be the most successful route for us to take, actually isn't. Because too often our view of success is about some external bullshit idea of achievement — an Olympic medal, the ideal husband, a good salary. And we have all these metrics that we try and reach. When really success isn't something you measure, and life isn't a race you can win. It's all...bollocks, actually...' The audience definitely looked uncomfortable now. Clearly this was not the speech they were expecting. She scanned the crowd and saw a single face smiling up at her.”

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“My dad was alive because of me. But he'd also had an affair, and my mum died earlier, and I got on with my brother because I had never let him down, but he was still the same brother, really, and he was only really okay with me in that life because I was helping him make money and...and...it wasn't the Olympic dream I imagined. It was the same me. And something had happened in Portugal. I'd probably tried to kill myself or something...Are there any other lives at all or is it just the furnishings that change?”

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“After Per died, I couldn't stand to be in Oslo any more. All those people that weren't him, you know? There was this coffee shop we used to go to, at the university. We'd just sit together, together but silent. Happy silent. Reading newspapers, drinking coffee. It was hard to avoid places like that. We used to walk around everywhere. His troublesome soul lingered on every street...I kept telling his memory to piss the fuck off but it wouldn't. Grief is a bastard. If I'd have stayed any longer, I'd have hated humanity. So, when a research position came up in Svalbard I was like, yes, this has come to save me...I wanted to be somewhere he had never been. I wanted somewhere where I didn't have to feel his ghost. But the truth is, it only half-works, you know? Places are places and memories are memories and life is fucking life. Nora took all this in. Ingrid was clearly telling this to someone she thought she knew reasonably well, and yet Nora was a stranger. It felt odd. Wrong. This must be the hardest bit about being a spy, she thought. The emotion people store in you, like a bad investment. You feel like you are robbing people of something.”

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“She had thought, in her nocturnal and suicidal hours, that solitude was the problem. But that was because it hadn't been true solitude. The lonely mind in the busy city yearns for connection because it thinks human-to-human connection is the point of everything. But amid pure nature (or the 'tonic of wildness' as Thoreau called it) solitude took on a different character. It became in itself a kind of connection. A connection between herself and the world. And between her and herself.”

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“She remembered a conversation she'd had with Ash. Tall and slightly awkward and cute and forever in need of a new songbook for his guitar. The chat hadn't been in the shop but in the hospital, when her mother was ill. Shortly after discovering she had ovarian cancer, she had needed surgery. Nora had taken her mum to see all the consultants at Bedford General Hospital, and she had held her mum's hand more in those few weeks than in all the rest of their relationship put together.”

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“And that had led to them talking about social media — he believed that the more people were connected on social media, the lonelier society became. 'That's why everyone hates each other nowadays,' he reckoned. 'Because they are overloaded with non-friend friends. Ever heard about Dunbar's number?' And then he had told her about a man called Roger Dunbar at Oxford University, who had discovered that human beings were wired to know only a hundred and fifty people, as that was the average size of hunter-gatherer communities. 'And the Domesday Book.' Ash had told her, under the stark lighting of the hospital canteen, 'if you look at the Domesday Book, the average size of an English community at that time was a hundred and fifty people. Except in Kent. Where it was a hundred people. I'm from Kent. We have anti-social DNA.' 'I've been to Kent,' Nora had countered. 'I noticed that. But I like that theory. I can meet that many people on Instagram in an hour.' 'Exactly. Not healthy! Our brains can't handle it. Which is why we crave face-to-face communication more than ever. And...which is why I would never buy my Simon & Garfunkel guitar chord songbooks online!”

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“There was no hatred in the polar bear's stare. Nora was just food. Meat. And that was a humbling kind of terror. Her heart poured like a drummer reaching the crescendo. The end of the song. And it became astoundingly clear to her, finally, in that moment: She didn't want to die. And that was the problem. In the face of death, life seemed more attractive, and as life seemed more attractive, how could she get back to the Midnight Library? She had to be disappointed in a life, not just scared of it, in order to try again with another book.”

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“There was death. Violent, oblivious death, in bear form, staring at her with its black eyes. And she knew then, more than she'd known anything, that she wasn't ready to die. This knowledge grew bigger than fear itself as she stood there, face to face with a polar bear, itself hungry and desperate to exist, and banged the ladle against the saucepan. Harder. A fast, staccato bang bang bang.”

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