“I knew it was God who made all the difference in their lives, but I didn’t know how to trust in Him like they did.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“Jesus made a series of the most radical claims that have ever been spoken. “I am the eternal God who created everything. I have power to do anything. I have gained victory over death. I will give you eternal life if you believe in me.” He promises to anyone willing to trust in Him that death will not be their end.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“What did it mean to be a Christian? It did not mean to be a good person, to be more Christ-like or to get my act together. It meant the king of the universe was at the center of my life. I got to trust in His wisdom instead of my own. He was my Lord and I was His disciple, His chosen, His beloved.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“Perhaps life’s simplest and most frequent mistake is to take who we are for granted in our anxious anticipation of who we might be. He loves us as we are. Why can we not rejoice in that love? Can you imagine, for a moment, what would happen if we were to stop trying to find love in all the wrong places and start spending our efforts trying to cherish His love for us? I was finished being someone who called myself by His name, yet turned to all the empty things of this world to satisfy my innermost needs. I was through fabricating solutions of my own devising, crafting makeshift concoctions that never hit the mark.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“If karma was true and my Higher Power simply gave whatever I put into the universe back to me, I would be screwed; I would have spiritual STD’s. If there was a scale to balance my good actions with my bad ones, I would cosmically fail, I would break the scale. There were so many occasions when I slipped up, when I thought, and said, and did stupid, awful things, when I took advantage of people and lied to them. If my eternal wellbeing was based on my ability to tip the scales or be a good person, I was eternally doomed.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“He looked deep into my eyes and then continued, “I’m sorry this is happening to you, but it’s never going to change until you decide that you’re done with this life. As long as you think these things are the ultimate pleasure that life has to offer, you will keep seeking them. As long as you keep seeking them, you’ll feel divided inside; you will also keep breaking the law. I know these consequences suck, but as long as you keep breaking the law, you’ll keep bringing them on yourself. It won’t ever stop until you decide to change. God helped me change my life, maybe He’ll help you too.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I suddenly realized that I was in the center of my world, and my emotions were at the center of me. They were the basis of my identity. Emotions had been my center point, the lens through which my reality was dispersed and regulated. The desire for pleasure, satisfaction, approval, and recognition had ruled my life.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“Without God, whose arms I was in, all of life was nothing more than a rat race to find pleasure, wealth, and approval from others. One glorious rat race, and then we’re gone. But I was not limited to an empty life like that anymore. I was His”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“The more I reached my goals, the more money I made from drug dealing, the more girls I hooked up with, the more adventures I had, and the more accomplishments I reached, the more messed up I felt. For years, I strived to reach my fullest potential, until one day I had to ask myself: What if the whole purpose of life isn’t getting everything we want and living to make ourselves feel good all the time?”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“While my previous friends had always talked constantly about girls, parties, drinking, and fights, this group invested considerable quantities of time looking out for the wellbeing of others. They made the world a better place, and they taught me to do the same. Since we were looking out for what God was doing, we would often find ourselves in the right place at the right time.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I was like a fish on a hook. An inanimate object had more power over my life than I did. The desire for that tiny, fleeting buzz replaced my will for anything else.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“My spiritual pursuits gained me nothing. It was as if the Higher Power I was seeking was nothing more than the sum of my favorite thoughts and ideas. It could not answer my prayers, change my circumstances, or do anything objective at all in my life. It was basically a figment of my imagination. I was a part of it, and it was a part of me, but it was not beyond me, above me, or separate from me. At its very best, it could maybe help me to massage my own psyche, but I needed objective, concrete, and tangible help, love, and guidance. I didn’t need an ethereal spirituality, I needed something pragmatic and real. I was tired of building my life on a flimsy foundation.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“School was starting to feel like yet another cycle, albeit a constructive one. At first, I told myself, once I get into college, once I get a good job, once I get popular, once I get ripped, or recognized, then I’ll be happy. But after each accomplishment, I only experienced temporary satisfaction. Each time, I would reassess, set higher goals, and work harder, saying, once I meet this goal, then I’ll be happy. Once I get a career in my field, once I find the right woman and make a family, then my life will have meaning. I worked rigorously. When I finally accomplished my goals, I felt proud and excited, but it never lasted long.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“In many first world countries, school systems teach several explanations for life on earth, and they present each of them as theories, not fact. Evolution is one of the many theories and so is creationism. They present the evidence for both belief systems, as well as the areas in which the evidence is lacking. And they investigate all the reasons why both theories are viable explanations for life on earth. My education was different. I learned that evolution was the only viable explanation and I came away with the impression that it was the ultimate truth that I needed to sculpt my reality around.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I felt a looming sense of despair, as I had the last time, I’d gotten a DUI. It was a repeat of what had happened before, except this time I didn’t flip them off, cuss them out, and pee on the floor. I was too deflated to quarrel. As I sat there, I realized that this time I wasn’t disappointed or angry with them, but with myself. To my surprise, I found myself telling them that I was sorry and that I wished none of this had ever happened.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“In the same way that my truck had been impounded by the police, my life had been impounded by drugs. Something else had seized control of what should’ve belonged to me. The worst part was that I’d bought into the lies by believing that drugs were ultimate. My deluded beliefs not only convinced me to accept the fact that drugs were robbing me of my life, but also to
believe that was a good thing. So, I stood there with a smile on my stoned face, defending them vigorously as they pillaged me.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“If God really did create everything and the Bible is God’s decisive word about everything, then that means it’s not an opinion but an instruction manual.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“After watching how eagerly my Christian friends studied the Bible, I realized I wasn’t going to have what they had unless I took it seriously as well. I saw the hope they derived from its pages and how much reliable guidance it gave them. I saw how much joy they got from applying it, and I realized it was the key”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“The power and intensity of that experience made me shake and tremble with fear. The reality and tangibility of God in that moment was so jarring that I threw the rest of the weed away and decided to just stick with the opiates. I knew that using drugs to get off drugs was stupid.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“In place of my record stood a God whom I had mocked, ridiculed, and despised, a God whom I had ignored and considered myself to be above, independent of, and smarter than. Against all logic, He chose to set an ungrateful and condemned man free... again!”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“It breaks my heart to see the enemy stealing from you, killing you from the inside out, and destroying your life (John 10:10). You think you’ve been in control this whole time, but you’ve been letting darkness rule your life. It doesn’t have to be this way. There is something better. Jesus isn’t some cosmic killjoy; He is the only one who knows why you’re here and what you were made for. He alone can lead you into true and lasting joy. As He said, ‘I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete’ (John 15:11). Just stop trying to play God and let Him call the shots for once.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“If I really believed in karma, I would constantly have to look over my shoulder. The universe would surely have some horrible fate coming for me.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“The manufacturer always knows how to fix the mess, even with the most complex problems. He never uses shortcuts, cheap fixes, or temporary solutions that cause more problems in the long run; he gets to the root of things and addresses them at their core. In the same way, if we were designed, then our manufacturer understands us entirely, and is able to address and heal every single one of our vast array of intimate complexities. If God is who He says He is, the Bible is the instruction manual for the human race, and He is the manufacturer.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“My father’s love and kindness during this time astonished me. It was not because he and my mother hadn’t always been this way, they had; but because now I was finally capable of realizing how blessed I was to have them. My parents had remained steadfast and loving, not just after I put them through hell itself, but every step along the way.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“Then I realized God chose me, baggage and all. God chose a drug addict, a kid who had chosen to sleep on the street in a blizzard to get his fix and get laid rather than go home to his family. A kid who lied, stole, and manipulated others. God chose someone virtually worthless and considered me valuable enough to lay down His life.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“The only problem was that you can’t force someone to repent. You can’t force someone to change their heart and mind about something. You can force them to change their actions and even their behavior, but if their beliefs remain the same, they will only get angry with you for it.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I needed to stop blaming others for my emptiness and shortcomings; I needed to stop hoping the emptiness would change without me changing. If drugs, partying, and relationships kept me continually feeling insecure while at the center of my being, then they needed to be surmounted and something else positioned in their place. I could not expect change to occur without changing what was at the center of my life or the purpose for which I was living.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“Now I was defined by the only One who could ascribe definite, concrete, objective value to an object, the only One whose opinion wasn’t subjective and fleeting, the only One whose existence wasn’t slowly passing away, and the only One who wouldn’t ever let me down. His words had always been true; the only difference was that now I trusted them enough to build my life on them.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“Though we do harm each other, sin, and act like animals at times, God has provided a future of hope for anyone who would turn from wicked things towards Him. This worldview claims that the beginning, middle, and end are all meaningful. It claims that human life holds value, not because of each individual’s accomplishments, or ability to dominate and outpace others, but because of their composition; not because of what they’ve done, or merited, but because of who made them and what He made them for.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“God’s laws are indisputable and irreproachable, they simply are the way of things. Those who obey God’s law will be blessed, while those who deny it will be cursed. If we build our lives on it, we will experience stability, health, and goodness. If we go against the law, we will struggle, we will feel empty, unstable, insecure, and void of meaning.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I thought my mom had gone totally nuts, but she hadn’t. She had finally, through her faith, found a way to voice herself and stand up to me; to share how she felt about what was going on; to voice her concern, fear, and worry; to state that her son had been taken from her and that she wanted him back, and to say she was not going to stand aside and let him be besieged any longer.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I guess I just took that approval and ran with it. But at some point in this journey, my mother started to rise up in her faith. Maybe it was from those countless nights of worrying where her son was and if he’d be alright,
wondering if I’d make it home safely or when I would come back on the
radar. And there were the nights she sat up praying for her lost son to come
home.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“We went as far as we could until finally the canyon ended at a soft, smooth wall of sandstone that shot abruptly skyward. I immediately took my shoes off, gripped my hands and toes like a chameleon into the porous sandstone wall and began scaling the slippery surface. As I climbed, I turned my gaze upward and fixed it where I wanted to go. At that moment, and from that particular vantage point, I could see the hole in the ceiling through which the light entered the canyon. I smiled as I realized that the walls of the shaft curved up into the shape of a heart around me. As the sun glistened down the column, it beamed like a heart made of sunshine. It was God’s heart, and it was enveloping me.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“He interjected Himself in front of the bullet flying straight towards the heart of the one who had just stabbed Him in the back.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“Sometimes the relationships would help me keep sober, but whenever a relationship failed, it always caused me to relapse harder and fall further than before. Sometimes a failed relationship would send me scrounging for drugs in an attempt to numb the pain. Other times, it would send me to clubs or raves, looking for rebound girls to put a band-aid over the blow to my ego and self-esteem.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“The surprising thing was that they didn’t care what I thought about them; they cared about me. Even though I’d inwardly made fun of them for their Bible studies, sharing their life stories, and praying, I couldn’t stop thinking about how joyful they were. How utterly different they were from any other people I’d ever met.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I felt so isolated, so broken, so lonely. I felt like no one on earth could understand me. I didn’t even give them the chance. I just assumed they would never understand and used that assumption to block them out all the more.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I was not enjoying this any longer but I kept turning towards it, and I could not explain why. Was it just because my friends did drugs? Was it because of social pressure or loneliness? Was it because of dependency and habit? For some reason, any alternative seemed better than sobriety. I kept telling myself that I chose this path because it was more fun, more interesting, and more eventful. I told myself that the people who failed to choose it were just afraid to let go and live. Then I would go and have the craziest adventures, and each one would propel me deeper into this lifestyle. Somewhere deep down, I knew that I was lying to myself, and yet each escapade pulled me deeper into
my own little biosphere of lies and delusions.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“In the darkness, every ray that broke through was not only noticeable but absolutely brilliant. Although this cavern surely did nothing to make the sun’s rays more brilliant than they already were, it did serve to elucidate their existing beauty. In the same way, my chronic brokenness and failures didn’t hinder the beauty of what God had done for me. Instead, my mistakes reminded me of the extent He went to in order to forgive me, heal me, and free me.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“My eyes stretched to take in the starlit tundra. The moon was dark that night, and the stars shone like phosphorescent holes that broke through the veil, divulging fragments of heaven.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“While the law condemns anyone who breaks it, God loves sinners, even those who actively reject Him and disobey His laws. God’s moral law is much like the other laws that He created to govern the universe; it is inherently true.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“My emotions had led me to refute logic on countless occasions and enter into idiotic feats, relationships, and situations. In some ways, emotions had not only replaced common sense, but also spirituality in my life. I had expended all concepts of balanced physical, psychological, social, and spiritual wellbeing in exchange for a fleeting pleasure.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I tried to use relationships to cope with my drug problem and drugs to cope with my relationship problem, round and round again. The relationships I developed would make things better when things were going well, but as soon as they began to falter, my integrity and self-worth would crumble as well.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“His story was my story. We had both spat in the face of our Father, to whom we owed not only our lives, but every good thing we had ever experienced. We exchanged our Father and His all-sufficient love for money, sex, inebriation, and eventually emaciation. We both were bled dry by a world that cannot satisfy. And we both ended up in the arms of the same God and Father whom we had battered and blasphemed.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I remember Samuel smiling at me encouragingly, with all the patience in the world. “I’m not telling you to do anything; you can do as you wish. I just want you to know that those things will have negative consequences. I have a feeling that you can tell me more reasons why you shouldn’t let those things rule your life than I can, but the decision is still in your hands. I just want you to see things clearly, not just for the initial thrill they might bring, but the whole picture, the long-term cost, and everything else. The more you indulge in these things now, the more tied up with them you will become, and the longer it will take for you to gain stability and heal. More importantly, trying to remove these things on your own will only lead to greater emptiness. Unless you replace these desires with something better and more fulfilling, you will always feel like you are missing out by abstaining from them.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I can’t say the cops were foolish for putting this sort of target on my back. The numbers were certainly in their favor. The odds were, if they did pull me over on any given day, for any given reason, I would be up to something they could fine me for and collect money from it. In addition, my truck was blaring red, full of character, and hard to miss, just like me. As a teenager, however, I felt robbed of freedom, robbed of dignity, robbed of innocence. It took me years to realize that they weren’t the ones who were actually robbing me.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I grieved my situation; I grieved the fact that the fines existed and I was to be held to some higher standard. I grieved my arrests and fines and penalties with ferocity, but I did not grieve the actions that got me into these circumstances. I grieved my pain but I did not grieve my sin. In fact, I did not believe in sin, so I let it continue to destroy my life as I hopelessly, cluelessly, and despondently wondered what on earth was wrong. I repeated the same mistakes, feeling bad for myself, hating the consequences, but never changing a thing.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“I was grieved that my life had come to this point; it had all happened so quickly. I just found myself running from one thing to the next and the things I was using to cope started more problems in and of themselves. The cycle spiraled out of control when one coping mechanism created consequences that led to the next coping mechanism, which created consequences, and on and on, without ever addressing the hurt and confusion inside.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“What I did mind were the nights when I was confronted with myself, the nights I had no girl to distract me, no drug to satisfy me, the nights when I actually had to think about life and face it. On the nights when I had to look straight at who I was, who I had become, inexplicably, I would punch myself in the face as hard as I could. I would pummel my face until I fell asleep, eyes bruised and full of tears.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
“They shared about the beautiful and unique plans that God has for each individual. Up until recently, I hadn’t had many hopes or plans. My life had been like a car stuck in a snowy ditch in the middle of the night. I knew I was stuck, but I didn’t know how to get out of it. When these guys came along, they had a tow truck, chains, and a spotlight that shed light on all the problem areas. They didn’t make me feel guilty about my problems; instead, they jumped out into the cold and helped me start digging. Not only that, but they were teaching me to see the hopes and plans that God had for others, they were teaching me to jump out in the snow and start digging as well.”
Source: Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose