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Sarah J. Maas

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“What did you see?' 'Why?' Nesta asked. 'Do you see things in that darkness?' Her voice was thin. 'No, but some of the others do. They say the dark has trailed them. Right to their doors.' Gwyn shivered. 'I saw darkness,' Nesta managed to say. Her heart would not calm. 'Pure darkness.”

“Heart racing, Nesta lifted the lantern in one hand and gazed at the darkness, untouched by the light from the library high, high above. The heart of the world, of existence. Of self. The heart of the House. 'This...' Her fingers tightened on the lantern. 'This darkness is your heart.' As if in answer, the House laid a little evergreen sprig at her feet. 'A Winter Solstice present. For me. She could have sworn warm hands brushed her neck in answer. 'But your darkness...' Wonder softened her voice. 'You were trying to show me. Show others. Who you are, down deep. What haunts you. You were trying to show them all those dark, broken pieces because the priestesses, and Emerie, and I... We're the same as you.' Her throat constricted at what the House had gifted her. This knowledge. She lifted the lantern higher and blew out its flame. Let the darkness sweep in. Embraced it. 'I'm not afraid,' she whispered into it. 'You are my friend, and my home. Thank you for sharing this with me.' Again, Nesta could have sworn that phantom touch caressed her neck, her cheek, her brow. 'Happy Solstice,' she said into the beautiful, fractured darkness.”

“I thought I'd find you here. Well, either here or the stairs to the city.' Cassian's voice sounded behind her, and Nesta whirled. He went on alert, but Nesta glanced over a shoulder toward the darkness. Nothing. It was gone. Or she'd imagined it. 'It's nothing,' she said as she peered over the railing. 'Just shadows.' Cassian blew out a breath, leaning against the railing. 'Can't sleep?' 'I keep thinking about Tamlin.' 'You did well with him. And you did well against Eris, too. I don't think he'll forget that anytime soon.' 'He's a snake.' 'Glad we agree on something.' Nesta huffed a laugh. 'I didn't appreciate him speaking to you like that.' 'It's how a lot of people speak to me.' 'That doesn't make it right.' She had spoken to him like that. She had said far worse things to Cassian than Eris had. Her throat tightened. But she said, 'I can't believe Feyre ever loved Tamlin.' 'Tamlin never deserved her,' Cassian rested a hand on her back. 'No,' Nesta again peered into the darkness below. 'He didn't.”

“What's wrong?' Nesta pressed. Emerie's eyes turned bleak. 'It's... I swear, I can hear my father yelling down here.' Her hands trembled as she lifted one to brush a stand of hair behind an ear. 'I can hear him screaming at me, can hear the furniture breaking...' Nesta's blood went cold. She whipped her head to the downward slope to their right. No darkness lurked there, but they were low enough... 'This place is ancient and strange.' she said, even as she processed what Emerie had admitted. She had never spoken of her father beyond the wing clipping. But Nesta had gathered enough: the man had been a beast like Tomas Mandray's father. 'Let's go up a level, where the darkness doesn't whisper so loudly. I'm sure Gwyn will find us easily enough.”

“Did Nesta say why she won't train?' 'Because she hates me.' Feyre snorted. 'Cassian, Nesta does not hate you. Believe me.' 'She sure as shit acts like it.' Feyre shook her head. 'No, she doesn't.' Her words were pained enough that he frowned. 'She doesn't hate you, either.' he said quietly. Feyre shrugged. The gesture made his chest ache. 'For a while, I thought she didn't. But now I don't know.' 'I don't understand why you two can't just...' He struggled for the right word. 'Get along? Be civil? Smile at each other?' Feyre's laugh was hollow. 'It's always been that way.' 'Why?' 'I have no idea. I mean, it was always that way with us, and our mother. She only had an interest in Nesta. She ignored me, and saw Elain as barely more than a doll to dress up, but Nesta was hers. Our mother made sure we knew it. Or she just cared so little what we thought or did that she didn't bother to hide it from us.' Resentment and long-held pain laced every word. That a mother would do such a thing to her children... 'But when we fell into poverty, when I started hunting, it got worse. Our mother was gone, and our father wasn't exactly present. He wasn't fully there. So it was me and Nesta, always at each other's throats.' Feyre rubbed her face. 'I'm too exhausted to go over every detail. It's all just a tangled mess.' Cassian refrained from observing that both sisters seemed to need each other- that Nesta perhaps needed Feyre more than she realised. And from mentioning that this mess between the two females hurt him more than he could express. Feyre sighed, 'That's my long way of saying that if Nesta hated you... I know what it looks like, and she doesn't hate you.' 'She might after what I said to her tonight.”

“Cassian blurted, 'I didn't mean what I said last night- about everyone hating you.' She halted, her blue-grey eyes frosting. 'It's true.' 'It's not.' He dared one step closer. 'You're here because we don't hate you.' He cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair. 'I wanted you to know that. That we don't- that I don't hate you.' She weighed whatever the hell lay in his stare. Likely more than was wise to let her see. But she said quietly, 'And I have never hated you, Cassian.' With that, she walked through the doorway into the House, as if she hadn't hit him right in the gut, first with the words, then by using his name. It wasn't until she'd vanished down the stairs that he released the breath he'd been holding.”