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“Get that pitying look off your face,' Eris snarled softly. 'I know what sort of creature my father is. I don't need your sympathy.' Cassian again studied him. 'Why did you leave Mor in the woods that day?' It was the question that would always remain. 'Was it just to impress your father?' Eris barked a laugh, harsh and empty. 'Why does it still matter to all of you so much?' 'Because she's my sister, and I love her.' 'I didn't realise Illyrians were in the habit of fucking their sisters.' Cassian growled. 'It still matters,' he ground out, 'because it doesn't add up. You know what a monster your father is and want to usurp him; you act against him in the best interests of not only the Autumn Court but also all of the faerie lands; you risk your life to ally with us... and yet you left her in the woods. Is it guilt that motivates all of this? Because you left her to suffer and die?' Golden flame simmered in Eris's gaze. 'I didn't realise I'd be facing another interrogation so soon.' 'Give me a damn answer.' Eris crossed his arms, then winced. As if whatever injuries lay beneath his immaculate clothes ached. 'You're not the person I want to explain myself to.' 'I doubt Mor will want to listen.”

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“You will not touch us now.' 'I have every right to kill trespassers on my lands.' The words were guttural, nearly impossible to understand. As if Tamlin had not spoken in a long while. 'Are these still your lands?' Nesta asked coolly, stepping out from behind Cassian. 'Last I heard, you don't bother to rule them anymore.' Eris remained utterly still. He'd been caught meeting with them, she realised. If Tamlin told anyone- Nesta said, 'I suggest you keep your maw shut about this.' Tamlin bristled, hackles rising. 'You're exactly as nasty as your sister said you were.' Nesta laughed. 'I'd hate to disappoint.' She held his emerald stare, knowing silver flames flickered in her eyes. 'I went into the Cauldron because of you,' she said softly, and could have sworn thunder grumbled in the distance. Cassian and Eris faded away into nothing. There was only Tamlin, only this beast, and what he had done to her and her family. 'Elain went into the Cauldron because of you,' Nesta went on. Her fingertips heated, and she knew if she looked down, she'd find silver embers flaring there. 'I don't care how much you apologise or try to atone for it or claim you didn't know the King of Hybern would do such a thing or that you begged him not to do it. You colluded with him. Because you thought Feyre was your property.' Nesta pointed at Tamlin. The ground shook. Cassian swore behind her. Tamlin shrank away from her outstretched finger, claws digging into the earth. 'Put the finger down, you witch.' Nesta smiled. 'I'm glad you remember what happened to the last person I pointed at.' She lowered her arm. 'We're going now.' She stepped back to where Cassian was already waiting, arms open. He wrapped them around her waist. Nesta glanced to Eris, who gave her a shallow, approving nod, then vanished. Nesta said to Tamlin before they shot into the skies, 'Tell anyone you saw us, High Lord, and I'll rip your head from your body.”

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“You know, Eris,' he said, a hand wrapping around the doorknob. 'I think you might be a decent male, deep down, trapped in a terrible situation.' He looked over his shoulder and found Eris's gaze blazing again. But only pity stirred in his chest, pity for a male who had been born into riches, but had been destitute in every way that truly mattered. In every way that Cassian had been blessed- blessings that were now overflowing. So Cassian said, 'I grew up surrounded by monsters. I've spent my existence fighting then. And I see you, Eris. You're not one of them. Not even close. I think you might even be a good male.' Cassian opened the door, turning from Eris's curled lip. 'You're just too much of a coward to act like one.”

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“Eris looked toward the hills, beyond the orchard, green and gold and glowing in the sunlight. 'They say a beast prowls these lands now. A beast with keen green eyes and golden fur. Some people think the beast has forgotten his other shape, so long has he spent in his monstrous form. And though he roams these lands, he does not see or care for the neglect he passes, the lawlessness, the vulnerability. Even his manor has fallen into disrepair, half-eaten by thorns, though rumours fly that he himself destroyed it.' 'Enough with the double-talk,' Cassian said. 'Tamlin's staying in his beast form and is finally getting the punishment he deserves. So what?”

PunishmentSarah J MaasBeastNeglectCassianTamlinA Court Of Silver FlamesErisEris VanserraPast Caring
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“Eris said to Nesta with a smirk, 'You're a pretty little treat. I'd be happy to play any manner of game with you, Nesta Archeron.' Cassian's fingers tightened on her back. Eris seemed to sense that, too. Did Cassian have any idea of the things he left vulnerable for people like Eris to strike at? He lived too honestly, too boldly, to notice or care. She couldn't help but admire it. 'When you get tired of the animal,' Eris said to her, jerking his chin toward Cassian, 'come find me. I'll show you how a future High Lord plays.”

Sarah J MaasAdmirationCassianNesta ArcheronNestaA Court Of Silver FlamesOpen HeartErisEris VanserraVulnerabilities
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“Eris's amber eyes studied hers. 'Trust Rhysand to keep you hidden away.' Right. She was to flatter him, keep him on their side. 'I just saw you the other week.' Eris chuckled. 'And as riveting as it was to see you send Tamlin scrambling off with his tail between his legs, I didn't see this side of you. The time since the war has changed you.' She didn't smile, but she met his stare directly as she said, 'For the better, I hope.' 'Certainly for the more interesting. It seems you came to play the game tonight after all,' Eris spun her, and when she returned to him, he murmured in her ear, 'Don't believe the lies they tell you about me.' She pulled back just enough to meet his gaze, 'Oh?' Eris nodded to where Mor watched them from beside Feyre and Rhys, his face neutral and aloof. 'She knows the truth but has never revealed it.' 'Why?' 'Because she is afraid of it.' 'You don't win yourself any favours with your behaviour.' 'Don't I? Do I not ally myself with this court under constant threat of being discovered and killed by my father? Do I not offer aid whenever Rhysand wishes?' He spun her again. 'They believe a version of events that is easier to swallow. I always thought Rhysand wiser than that, but he tends to be blind where those he loves are concerned.' Nesta's mouth twitched to one side. 'And you? Who do you love?' His smile sharpened. 'Are you inquiring about my eligibility?' 'I'm merely saying it's hard to find a good dance partner these days.' Eris laughed, the sound like silk over her skin. She shivered. 'Indeed it is. Especially one who can both dance and tear the King of Hybern's head from his shoulders.' She let him see a bit of that person- see the savage rage and silver fire he'd witnessed before Tamlin. Then she blinked and it was gone. Eris's face tightened, and not from fear. He twirled her again, the waltz already coming to a close. He whispered in her ear, 'They say your sister Elain is the beauty, but you outshine her tonight.' His hand stroked down the bare skin of her back, and she arched slightly into his touch.”

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“Nesta stretched out her legs, leaning her bruised palms on the stone. 'Enjoy your exercises.' Cassian bristled. But he held out his hand again. 'Please.' She'd never heard him say that word. It was a rope thrown between them. He'd meet her halfway- let her win the power battle, admit defeat, if she would just get off the rock. She told herself to get up, to take that outstretched hand. But she couldn't Couldn't bring her body to rise. His hazel eyes were bright with pleading in the morning sun, the wind dancing in his dark hair. Like he was made from these mountains, crafted from wind and stone. He was so beautiful. Not in the way that Azriel and Rhys were beautiful, but in an uncut way. Savage and unrelenting. The first time she'd seen Cassian, she couldn't take her eyes off him. She felt like she'd spent her life surrounded by boys, and then a man- a male, she supposed- had suddenly appeared. Everything about him had radiated that confident, arrogant masculinity. It had been heady and overwhelming, and all she'd wanted, all she'd wanted for so many months, was to touch him, smell him, taste him. Get close to that strength and throw everything she was against it because she knew he'd never break, never falter, never balk. But the light in his eyes dimmed as he lowered his hand. She deserved his disappointment. Deserved his resentment and disgust. Even if it carved something vital from her. 'Tomorrow, then,' Cassian said. He didn't speak to her again for the rest of the day.”

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“You could have ruled the world with your power,' he said carefully. 'I don't want to rule the world.' Her eyes were unguarded in a way he had never seen. Mate, she had called him. 'What do you want?' Cassian managed to ask, voice rasping. She smiled, and damn if it wasn't the loveliest thing he'd ever seen. 'You.' 'You've had me from the moment you met me.' She tucked a strand of hair behind an arched ear. 'I know.' He brushed a kiss over her mouth. But Nesta said, 'I want a disgustingly ornate mating ceremony. He laughed, pulling away. 'Really?' 'Why not?' 'Because I'll never hear the end of it from Azriel and Mor.' Or the Illyrians. Nesta considered. Then pulled something out of her pocket. A small biscuit, swiped from a tray in the birthing room. 'Then here. Food. From me to you, my mate. That's the official ritual, isn't it? The sharing of food from one mate to the other?' He choked. 'These are my two options? A frilly mating ceremony or a stale biscuit?' Her face filled with such true light, it nearly stole the breath from him. 'Yes.' So Cassian laughed again, and folded her fingers around the pathetic biscuit, leaning to whisper in her ear, 'We'll make a coronation of it, Nes.' 'I already have a crown,' she said. 'I just want you.”

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“For all his arrogance, the opinions of his friends, his family, mattered deeply. None of them would ever chide him for his failure, but he'd punish himself for it. Nesta brushed her fingers against Cassian's in silent understanding. HIs own curled against hers, meeting her stare as if to say, See? We're the same after all.”

UnderstandingSarah J MaasCassianNesta ArcheronNestaA Court Of Silver FlamesSelf CriticismThe SameCaring What People ThinkFingers Touching
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“Nesta threw another series of punches, and Cassian knew she was leading up to the knockout blow. Two left jabs and a right hook that slammed into the wood so hard it splintered. And then she stopped, her first pressed against the wood. Her panting breath swirled from her mouth in the frigid rain. Slowly, she straightened, fist lowering, steam rippling through her teeth as she turned. He caught a flicker of silver fire in her eyes, then it vanished. Lucien had gone still. Nesta stalked toward the two males. She met Lucien's stare as she approached the archway, and said nothing before continuing into the House. As if words were beyond her. Only when her footsteps vanished did Lucien say, 'Mother spare you.' Cassian was already walking to the wooden beam. A small disc of impact lay in its centre, through the padding, all the way to the wood itself. It glowed. Cassian raised shaking fingers to it. To the burn mark, still sparking like an ember. The entire wood block was smouldering from within. He touched his palm to it. The wood was cold as ice. The block dissolved into a pile of cinders. Cassian stared in stunned silence, the smoking wood hissing in the rain. Lucien came up beside him. He only said again, voice solemn, 'Mother spare you all.”

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“She'd claimed it would be fine to die for her friends, that it was fine because they had made it, they had won, but to be killed by this nobody- Nesta snarled. She had nothing left. Her body had given up on her. Like so many others had. ... She was alone. She had been born alone, and would die alone, and this awful male would be the one to kill her-”

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“Come on,' he coaxed. 'A few more feet and you can sleep.' She didn't move. As if she couldn't. He told himself it was because she'd fainted and might not be sturdy, but he walked back to her. Crouched and picked her up in his arms, pack and all. She said nothing. Absolutely nothing. But he knew it was coming- that storm. Knew that Nesta would speak again, and when she did, he'd better be ready to weather it.”

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“What are you thinking about?' Helion drawled as they approached a shut wooden door. Cassian straightened. He hadn't realised his thoughts had dragged such a scent from him. He grinned. 'Your mother.' Helion chuckled. 'I always forget how much I like you.' 'Happy to remind you.' Cassian winked.”

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“Every hated enemy, every moment she'd been powerless against them simmered to the surface. And with each movement of the sword, each breath, a thought formed. It echoed with each inhale, every thrust and block. Never again. Never again would she be weak. Never again would she be at someone's mercy. Never again would she fail. Never again, never again, never again.”

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“Cassian titled his head to the side at her silence. 'What is it?' 'Would you train non-Illyrian females?' 'I'm training you, aren't I?' 'I mean, would you consider...' She didn't know how to elegantly phrase it, not like silver-tongued Rhysand. 'The priestesses in the library. If I invited them to train with us here, where it's private and safe. Would you train them?' Cassian blinked slowly. 'Yes. I mean, of course, but...' He winced. 'Nesta, many of the females in the library do not want to be- cannot stand to be- around males again.' 'Then we'll ask one of your female friends to join. Mor or anyone else you can think of.' 'The priestesses might not even be able to stomach having me present.' 'You'd never hurt anyone like that.' His eyes softened slightly. 'It's not about that for them. It's about the fear- the trauma they bear. Even if they know I'd never do that to them, I might still drag up memories that are incredibly difficult for them to face.' 'You said this training would help me with my... problems. Perhaps it could help them. At the very least give them a reason to get outside for a bit.' Cassian watched her for a long moment. Then he said, 'Whoever you can get up here with us, I'll gladly train. Mor's away, but I can ask Feyre-' 'Not Feyre,' Nesta hated the words. The way his back stiffened. She couldn't look at him as she said, 'I just...' How could she explain the tangle between her and her sister? The self-loathing that threatened to consume her every time she looked at her sister's face? 'All right,' Cassian repeated. 'Not Feyre. But I need to give her and Rhys a heads-up. You should probably ask Clotho for permission, too.' A warm hand clasped her shoulder and squeezed. 'I like this idea, Nes.' His hazel eyes shone bright. 'I like it a lot.' And for some reason, the words meant everything.”

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“So, who won the fight?' Cassian asked the next morning as she sat on her rock and watched him go through his exercises. He hadn't asked at breakfast about the black eye and cut chin or how stiffly she'd moved. Neither had Mor upon her arrival. That the bruising and cuts remained at all told Nesta how bad the fall had been, but as High Fae, with her improved healing, they were already on the mend. ... 'What fight?' She examined her mangled nails. Even with the... whatever it was she'd flung out to catch herself, her nails had cracked. She didn't let herself name what had come from within her, didn't let herself acknowledge it. By dawn, it had been strangled into submission. 'The one between you and the stairs.' Nesta cut him a glare. 'I don't know what you're talking about.' Cassian began moving once more, drawing his sword and running through a series of movements that all seemed designed to hack a person in two. 'You know: three in the morning, you leave your room to get shit-faced drunk in town, and you're in such a rush to conquer the steps that you fall down a good thirty of them before you can stop yourself.' Had he seen the step? The handprint? She demanded. 'How do you know that?' He shrugged. 'Are you watching me?' Before he could answer, she spat. 'You were watching and didn't come to help?' Cassian shrugged again. 'You stopped falling. If you'd kept at it, someone would have eventually come to catch you before you hit the bottom.' She hissed at him. He only grinned and beckoned with a hand. 'Want to join me?' 'I should push you down those stairs.' ... 'Well?' he demanded, an edge creeping into his voice. 'If you've got those glorious bruises, you might as well claim it came from training and not a pathetic tumble.”

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“You do know this is Nesta Archeron we're talking about? She does nothing unless she wishes to. And she's the least likely to listen to me. Clotho huffed a laugh. She has a will of iron. 'Of steel.' He smiled. 'Good seeing you, Clotho.' You as well, Lord Cassian. 'Just Cassian,' he said, as he had said so many times now. You are a lord in good deeds. It is not a title born, but earned. He bowed his head as he said thickly, 'Thank you.”

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“The House had dinner waiting on her desk, along with a book. Apparently, it had noted her request for a book the other day and deemed The Great War too dull. The title of this one was suitably smutty. 'I didn't know you had dirty taste,' Nesta said wryly. The House only responded by running a bath. 'Dinner, bath, and a book,' Nesta said aloud, shaking her head in something close to awe. 'It's perfect. Thank you.' The House said nothing, but when she stepped into her bathroom, she found that it wasn't an ordinary bath. The House had added an assortment of oils that smelled of rosemary and lavender. She breathed in the heady, beautiful scent and sighed. 'I think you might be my only friend,' Nesta said, then groaned her way into the tub's welcoming warmth. The House was apparently so pleased by her words that as soon as she lay back, a tray appeared across the width of the tub. Laden with a massive piece of chocolate cake.”

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“She'd found a smutty novel she'd already read and loved in one of the trunks Elain had packed, and had laid it on the desk. She'd said to the air, 'I found this for you. It's a present.' The book had vanished into nothing. But in the morning, she'd found a bouquet of autumnal flowers upon her desk, the glass vase bursting with asters and chrysanthemums of every colour.”

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“You really think you can beat me in hand-to-hand combat?' Blood flowed from her mouth, her nose. But Nesta smiled anyway, its tang coating her tongue. 'I do.' Bellius threw his first punch, putting the entire force of his powerful body into it. Nesta blocked it, driving her fist into his nose. Bone crunched. Bellius howled, falling back a step. And Nesta hissed, 'Because my mate taught me well.”

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“I have an appointment,' Nesta said, levelling a cool glance at him. She sniffed at the male. Her nose crinkled. 'And you seem to need an appointment with a bath.' He turned fully to her, muscled shoulders pushing back. Even with the glazed expression, ire boiled in his stare. 'Do you know who I am?' 'A drunk fool wasting my time,' Nesta said. Two Siphons- a blue darker than Azriel's- sat atop the backs of his large hands. 'Get out.”

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“Stop looking so nervous,' Cassian muttered out of the corner of his mouth. 'I'm not nervous,' Nesta muttered back, even as she bounced on her feet, trying not to stare toward the open archway as the clock ticked toward nine. 'Just relax.' He straightened his jacket. 'You're the one fidgeting,' she hissed. 'Because you're making me fidget.”

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“I feel nothing, Nesta said silently. Only the sight of Feyre on Death's threshold kept her from forgetting why she was here, what she needed to do. Is that not what you wanted? To feel nothing? I thought that was what I wanted. Nesta surveyed the people around her. Her sisters, Cassian, who had been willing to plunge a dagger into his heart rather than harm her. But no longer. When the female voice didn't press her, Nesta went on, I want to feel everything. I want to embrace it with my whole heart. Even the things that hurt and hunt you? Only curiosity laced the question. Nesta allowed herself a breath to ponder it, stilling her mind once more. We need those things in order to appreciate the good. Some days might be more difficult than others, but... I want to experience all of it, live through all of it. With them. The wise, soft voice whispered, So live, Nesta Archeron.”

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“It flowed and swam around her, filling her blood, and if she could have done so, she would have melted into the melody, become the rolling drums, the soaring violins, the clashing cymbals with the counter-beat, the horns and reeds with their high-arcing song. There wasn't enough space inside her for the sound, for all it made her feel- not enough space in her mind, her heart, her body; and all she could do to honour it, worship it, was dance.”

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“Nesta glanced up the stairs past Feyre. Elain had again opted to remain in her room when Nesta was present, which was just fine. Absolutely, utterly fine. Elain could make her own choices. And had chosen to thoroughly shut the door on Nesta. Even as she fully embraced Feyre and her world. Nesta's chest tightened, but she refused to think of it, acknowledge it. Elain was a like a dog, loyal to whatever master kept her fed and in comfort.”

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“Seeing Cassian so flustered pushed away the shadows in her heart. Thoughts of the Mask became a distant rumble. 'Do you want to get in?' He sucked in a breath, but something like pain washed over his features. 'You're hurt.' ... 'Do I look injured to you?' He nodded toward the scabbed cuts all over her body, her face. 'Yes?”

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“When you hammered those blades, you imbued them- the two swords and the dagger- with your power. The Cauldron's power. They're now magic blades. And I'm not talking nice, pretty magic. I'm talking big, ancient magic that hasn't been seen in a long, long time. There are no magic weapons left. None. They were either lost or destroyed or dumped in the sea. But you just Made three of them. You created a new Dread Trove. You could create even more objects, if you wished.' Her brows rose higher with each absurd word. 'I Made three magic weapons?' 'We don't know yet what manner of magic you have, but yes.' She angled her head. Emerie and Gwyn halted their chatting at the water station, as if they could see or sense the shift in her. And it wasn't the fact that she'd Made these weapons that hit like a blow. 'Who is "we"?' 'What?' 'You said " We don't know what manner of magic they have." Who is "we"?' 'Rhys and Feyre and the others.' 'And how long have all of you known about this?' He winced as he realised his error. 'I... Nesta...' 'How long?' Her voice became sharp as glass. The priestesses were watching, and she didn't care. He did, apparently. 'This isn't the place to talk about it.' 'You're the one trying to coax a name out of me in the middle of training!' She gestured to the ring. Her blood pounded in her ears, and Cassian's face grew pained. 'This isn't coming out the way it should. We argued about whether to tell you, but we took a vote and it went in your favour. Because we trust you. I just... hadn't gotten a chance to bring it up yet.' 'There was a possibility you wouldn't even tell me? You all sat around and judged me, and then you voted?' Something deep in her chest cracked to know that every horrible thing about her had been analyzed. 'It... Fuck.' Cassian reached for her, but she stepped back. Everyone was staring now. 'Nesta, this isn't...' 'Who. Voted. Against me.' 'Rhys and Amren.' 'It landed like a physical blow. Rhys came as no surprise. But Amren, who had always understood her more than the others; Amren who'd been unafraid of her; Amren with whom she'd quarrelled so badly... Some small part of her had hoped Amren wouldn't hate her forever. Her head went quiet. Her body went quiet. Cassian's eyes widened. 'Nesta-' 'I'm fine,' she said coldly. 'I don't care.' She let him see her fortify those steel walls within her mind. Used every bit of Mind-Stilling she'd practiced with Gwyn to become calm, focused, steady. Breathing in through her nose, out through her mouth. She made a show of rolling her shoulders, of approaching Emerie and Gwyn, whose faces bunched with concern in a way Nesta knew she didn't deserve, in a way that she knew would only day vanish, when they, too, realised what a wretch she was. When Amren told them what a pathetic waste of life she was, or they heard it from someone else, and they ceased being her friends. She wouldn't if they'd even say it to her face, or if they'd just disappear. 'Nesta,' Cassian said again. But she left the ring without looking back at him. Emerie was on her heels instantly, trailing her down the stairs. 'What's wrong?' 'Nothing,' Nesta said, her own voice foreign to her ears. 'Court business.' 'Are you all right?' Gwyn asked, a step behind Emerie. No. She couldn't stop the roaring in her head, the cracking in her chest. 'Yes,' she lied, and didn't look back as she hit the landing and vanished down the hall.”

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“What did you dream about?' Nesta's body locked up, but she launched back into motion, refusing to let the memories master her. 'I dreamed of the Cauldron. What it did to me.' Gwyn said, playing with her hair, 'I dream of my past, too.' But Gwyn's admission, Nesta's own, didn't weigh them down. Nesta's head had cleared slightly. And somehow, she found she could push herself harder. Perhaps in voicing those truths, they'd given them wings. And sent them soaring into the open sky above.”

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