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Sarah J. Maas

Sarah J. Maas Books

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Throne of Glass

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Heir of Fire

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Kingdom of Ash

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Tower of Dawn

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“I have no interest in explaining to Rhys and Feyre why you died on my watch. And even less interest in explaining it to Nesta.' Cassian stared toward the castle. 'You think she's alive?' The question haunted him with every breath these last few days. 'You'd know if she'd died,' Azriel said, pausing his work and looking up at Cassian. He tapped his brother's chest with a scarred hand. 'Right here- you'd know, Cass.' 'There are plenty of other unspeakable things that could be happening to her,' Cassian said, voice thickening. 'To Emerie and Gwyn.' The shadows deepened around Azriel, his Siphons gleaming like cobalt fire. 'You- we- trained them well, Cassian. Trust in that. It's all we can do.”

“You owe me two thoughts- back from when I first came here. Tell me what you're thinking.' Rhys rubbed his neck. 'You want to know why I didn't speak or see you? Because I was so convinced you'd throw me out on my ass. I just...' He dragged a hand through his hair, and huffed a laugh. 'I figured hiding was a better alternative.' 'Who would have thought the High Lord of the Night Court could be afraid of an illiterate human?' I purred. He grinned, nudging me with an elbow. 'That's one,' I pushed. 'Tell me another thought.' His eyes fell on my mouth. 'I'm wishing I could take back that kiss Under the Mountain.' I sometimes forgot that kiss, when he'd done it to keep Amarantha from knowing that Tamlin and I had been in the forgotten hall, tangled up together. Rhysand's kiss had been brutal, demanding, and yet... 'Why?' His gaze settled on the hand I'd painted instead, as if it were easier to face. 'Because I didn't make it pleasant for you, and I was jealous and pissed off, and I knew you hated me.' Dangerous territory, I warned myself. No. Honesty, that's what it was. Honesty, and trust. I'd never had that with anyone. Rhys looked up, meeting my gaze. And whatever as on my face- I think it might have been mirrored on his: the hunger and longing and surprise. I swallowed hard, traced another line of stardust along the inside of his powerful wrist. I didn't think he was breathing.”

“Well," Lucien said, his remaining russet eye fixed on me, "you don't look half as bad now. A relief, I suppose, since you're to live with us. Though the tunic isn't as pretty as a dress." Wolves ready to pounce - that's what they were, just like their friend. I was all to aware of my diction, of the very breath I took as I said, "I'd prefer not to wear that dress" "And why not?" Lucien crooned. It was Tamlin who answered for me. "Because killing us is easier in pants.”

“You're really trying to convince me to make the Ascent for a guy?' 'Is Hunt Athalar really just some guy to you?' Danika's smile turned gentle. 'And why is it somehow a mark against your strength to admit that there is someone, who happens to be male, worth returning to? Someone who I know made you feel like things are far from fucked.”

“I gazed again at that sad, dark house- the place that had been a prison. Elain had said she missed it, and I wondered what she saw when she looked at the cottage. If she beheld not a prison but a shelter- a shelter from a world that had possessed so little good, but she tried to find it anyway, even if it had seemed foolish and useless to me. She had looked at that cottage with hope; I had looked at it with nothing but hatred. And I knew which one of us had been stronger.”

“Gwyn threw her arms around Nesta. 'I heard you might need us.' Nesta was so stunned to see the priestess that she returned the hug. Mor, a step behind, gave her a concerned nod, and then winnowed away. Emerie was the one to say to Gwyn, 'I can't believe you left the library.' Gwyn stroked Nesta's head. 'Some things are more important than fear.' She cleared her throat. 'But please don't remind me too much. I'm so nervous I really might vomit.' Even Nesta smiled at that.”

“You're my friend.' The words hung between them. His head dipped again, as if he could hide the expression on his face as he amended, 'If you would like me to be.' For a moment, she stared at him. The offer thrown out there. The quiet vulnerability. It erased any annoyance still in her veins. 'Didn't you know, Athalar?' The tentative hope in his face nearly destroyed her. 'We've been friends from the moment you thought Jelly Jubilee was a dildo.”

“Cassian halted a few feet from the maze of tables along the walkway, smiling to himself at the sight of her: head tipped toward the sun, unbound hair gleaming and rippling around her like liquid gold, her full hips curled upward, basking in the light. She never stopped appreciating the sunshine. Even five hundred years after leaving that veritable prison she'd called home and the monsters who claimed her as kin, his friend- his sister, honestly- still savoured every moment in the sun. As if the first seventeen years of her life, spent in the darkness of the Hewn City, still lurked around her like Az's shadows.”

“So, you mean to tell me,' Emerie muttered from the side of her mouth as they stood in the training ring two days later, 'that you got into a fight with your family, disappeared for a week with Cassian, and came back able to use an actual sword, but I'm supposed to believe you when you say nothing happened?' ... 'That's exactly what I'm telling you.' 'Tell me you at least had a week's worth of sex,' Emerie muttered. Nesta choked on a laugh as Cassian stiffened across the ring- but he didn't turn. 'There might have been some.”

“Let me make a wish for all of us,' she explained, gathering the three charms. A small gift- for the friends who had become like sisters. A chosen family. Like the one Feyre had found for herself. Nesta squeezed the charms in her palm, closing her eyes, and said: 'I wish for us to have the courage to go out into the world when we are ready, but to always be able to find our way back to each other. No matter what.' Gwyn and Emerie cheered at that. And when Nesta opened her eyes, palm unfurling, she could have sworn the coins glowed faintly.”

“But then Azriel approached her. Nesta had blinked at the gift the shadowsinger set in her lap. 'I didn't get you anything,' she murmured to Az, her cheeks turning rosy. 'I know,' he said, smiling. 'I don't mind.' ... ...his gaze snagged on Nesta's fingers as she opened the small box. She peered at what was inside, then looked at Azriel in confusion. 'What is it?' Azriel plucked up the small folded silver wand within and unfurled it. One end held a clip, the other a small glass sphere. 'You can attach this to whatever book you're reading, and the little ball of faelight will shine. So you don't have to squint when you're reading at night.' Nesta touched the glass ball, no bigger than her thumbnail, and faelight flickered within, casting a bright, easy glow upon her lap. She tapped it again and it turned off. And then she jumped to her feet and flung her arms around Azriel. The room went silent for a beat. But Azriel chuckled and squeezed her gently. Cassian smiled to see it- to see them. 'Thank you,' Nesta said, quickly pulling away to marvel at the device. 'It's brilliant.' Azriel blushed and stepped back, shadows swirling.”

“Azriel lingered near the door, quiet enough that when Feyre and Mor began talking about some of her paintings, Nesta went over to him. 'Why don't you sit?' She leaned against the doorway beside the shadow singer. 'My shadows don't like the flames so much.' A pretty lie. She'd seen Azriel before the fire plenty. But she looked at who sat close to it and knew the answer. 'Why did you come if it torments you so much?' 'Because Rhys wants me here. It'd hurt him if I didn't come.' 'Well, I think holidays are stupid.' 'I don't.' She arched a brow. He explained, 'They pull people together. And bring them joy. They are a time to pause and reflect and gather, and those are never bad things.' Shadows darkened his eyes, full of enough pain that she couldn't stop herself from touching his shoulder. Letting him see that she understood why he stood in the doorway, why he wouldn't go near the fire. His secret to tell, never hers.”

“Come with us,' Emerie offered, eyes lined with silver. Nesta shook her head. 'Consider it the repayment of a debt.' A tear slipped down Emerie's cheek. 'For what?' 'For being my friend. Even when I didn't deserve it.' Emerie's face crumpled. 'There is no debt, Nesta.' But Nesta smiled softly. 'There is. Let me pay it.' Swallowing back her tears, Emerie nodded.”

“After the war, I was in a bad place. I still am, I suppose, but for more than a year after the war...' She couldn't look Gwyn in the eye. 'I did a lot of things I regret. Hurt people I regret harming. And I hurt myself. I drank day and night and I...' She didn't want to say the word to Gwyn- fucked- so she said, 'I took strangers to my bed. To punish myself, to drown myself.' She shrugged a shoulder. 'It's a long story, and not one worth telling, but through it all, I picked taverns and pleasure halls to frequent because of the music. I've always loved music.' She braced herself for the damning judgement. But only sorrow filled Gwyn's face. 'You've probably guessed that my residency in the House, my training, my work in the library is my sister's attempt to help me.' Her sister whom she had still not apologised to, whom she still didn't have the courage to face. 'And I... I think I might be glad Feyre did this for me. The drinking, the males- I don't miss any of it. But the music... that I miss.' Nesta waved a hand, as if she could banish the vulnerability she'd offered up. But she went on, 'And since I'm not particularly welcome in the city, I was hoping you meant it when you said I could come to one of your services. Just so I can hear some music again.' Gwyn's eyes shone, like the sunlight on a warm sea. Nesta's heart thundered, waiting for her reply. But Gwyn said, 'Your story is worth telling, you know.' Nesta began to object, but Gwyn insisted, 'It is. But yes- if you want music, then come to the services. We will be glad to have you. I will be glad to have you.' Until Gwyn learned how horrible she'd been. 'No,' Gwyn said, apparently reading the thought on her face. She grabbed Nesta's hand. 'You... I understand.' Nesta heard Gwyn's own heart begin thundering. 'I understand,' Gwyn repeated, 'what it is to... fail the people who mean the most. To live in fear of people finding out. I dread you and Emerie learning my history. I know that once you do, you'll never look at me the same again.' Gwyn squeezed Nesta's hand. Her story would come later. Nesta let her see it in her face, that when Gwyn was ready, nothing she could reveal would make her walk away. 'Come to the service this evening,' Gwyn said. 'Listen to the music.' She squeezed her hand again. 'You'll always be welcome to join me, Nesta.' Nesta hadn't realised how badly she'd needed to hear it. She squeezed Gwyn's hand back.”

“They neared the end of the tunnel, but Nesta paused him with a tug of his hand. 'What?' he asked, scanning the cavern. But she rose onto her toes and kissed him lightly. He blinked with almost comic shock as she pulled away. 'What was that for?' Nesta shrugged, her cheeks heating. 'Gwyn and Emerie are my friends,' she said quietly. She tucked away her horror that Briallyn had eyes on them. 'But...' She swallowed. 'I think you might be, too, Cassian.' Cassian's silence was palpable, and she cursed herself for laying bare that wish, that realisation. Wished she could wipe away the words, the stupidity- 'I've always been your friend, Nesta,' he said hoarsely. 'Always.' She couldn't bear to see what was in his eyes. 'I know.' Cassian brushed his mouth over her temple...”

“The king rose. 'What a mighty queen you are,' he breathed. And Mor backed away. Step by step. 'What a prize,' the king said, that black gaze devouring her. Azriel's head lifted from where he was sprawled in his own blood, eyes full of rage and pain as he snarled at the king, 'Don't you touch her.' Mor looked at Azriel- and there was real fear there. Fear- and something else. She didn't stop moving until she again kneeled beside him and pressed a hand to his wound. Azriel hissed- but covered her bloody fingers with his own.”

“It's so much harder,' she said, groaning as she chucked the rest of the blanket into my lap and rose to her feet. 'When enemies turn into friends. And the opposite, I suppose. What didn't I see? What I overlook or dismiss? It always makes me reassess myself more than them.' 'Another joy of war?' She snorted, heading for the tent flaps. 'No- of life.”

“He said softly, 'I look it when you look at me like that.' The purr in his voice heated my blood. 'Like what?' 'Like my power isn't something to run from. Like you see me.' And to a male who had grown up knowing he was the most powerful High lord in Prythian's history, that he could shred minds if he wasn't careful, that he was alone- alone in his power, in his burden, but that fear was his mightiest weapon against the threats to his people... I'd hit home when we'd fought after the Court of Nightmares. 'I was afraid of you at first.' His white teeth flashed in the shadows of his hood. 'No, you weren't. Nervous, maybe, but never afraid. I've felt the genuine terror of enough people to know the difference. Maybe that's why I couldn't keep away.' When? Before I could ask, he walked downstairs, shutting the door behind him.”

“Did you think I would go with him?' He paused mid-bite, then lowered his fork. 'I heard every word between you. I knew you could take care of yourself, and yet...' He went back to his pie, swallowing a bite being continuing. 'And yet I found myself deciding that if you took his hand, I would find a way to live with it. It would be your choice.' I sipped from my wine. 'And if he had grabbed me?' There was nothing but uncompromising will in his eyes. 'Then I would have torn apart the world to get you back.”

“His body was taut, near-trembling. 'What happened between you?' I hissed when we were lost among the hedges and gravel paths of the garden. 'It's not worth repeating.' 'When I- was taken,' I ventured, almost stumbling on the word, almost saying left, 'Did she and Tamlin...' I was not faking the twisting low in my gut. 'No,' he said hoarsely. 'No. When Calanmai came along, he refused. He flat-out refused to participate. I replaced him in the Rite, but...' ... But Lucien... 'You took Ianthe into that cave on Calanmai?' He wouldn't meet my gaze. 'She insisted. Tamlin was... Things were bad, Feyre. I went in his stead, and I did my duty to the court. I went of my own free will. And we completed the Rite.' No wonder she'd backed off him. She'd gotten what she wanted. 'Please don't tell Elain,' he said. 'When we- when we find her again,' he amended. He might have completed the Great Rite with Ianthe of his own free will, but he certainly hadn't enjoyed it. Some line had been blurred- badly. And my heart shifted a bit in my chest as I said to him with no guile whatsoever, 'I won't tell anyone unless you say so.' The weight of the jewelled knife and belt seemed to grow. 'I wish I had been there to stop it. I should have been there to stop it.' I meant every word. Lucien squeezed our linked arms as we rounded a hedge, the house rising up before us. 'You are a better friend to me, Feyre,' he said quietly, 'than I ever was to you.”

“You were the only ones who came to help. The only ones. And yet you asked for nothing in return. Why?' Rhys's voice was a bit hoarse as he asked, 'Isn't that what friends do?' A subtle, quiet offer. Tarquin took him in. Then me. And the others. 'I rescind the blood rubies. Let there be no debts between us.' 'Don't expect Amren to return hers,' Cassian muttered. 'She's grown attached to it.' I could have sworn a smile tugged at Varian's mouth.”

“His red hair gleamed in the faint firelight a moment later as he shoved through the flaps and swore. 'Maybe I should sleep out there.' I rolled my eyes. 'Please.' A wary, considering glance as he knelt and removed his boots. 'You know Tamlin can be... sensitive about things.' 'He can also be a pain in my ass,' I snapped, and slithered under the blankets. 'If you yield to him on every bit of paranoia and territorialism, you'll just make it worse.' Lucien unbuttoned his jacket but remained mostly dressed as he slid onto his sleeping roll. 'I think it's made worse because you two haven't... I mean, you haven't, right?' I stiffened, tugging the blanket tighter onto my shoulders. 'No. I don't want to be touched like that- not for a while.' His silence was heavy- sad. I hated the lie, hated it for how filthy it felt to wield it. 'I'm sorry,' he said. And I wondered what else he was apologising for as I faced him in the darkness of our tent.”

“What does it say?' 'Utter nonsense,' Amren spat, scowling at the Book. 'It just likes to hear itself talk. Like most of the people cramping up my apartment.' Cassian smirked. 'Did someone forget to feed Amren again?' She pointed a warning finger at him without so much as looking up. 'Is there a reason, Rhysand, why you dragged your yapping pack into my home?”

“Cassian strutted in at last, greeting Mor with a chipper, 'You look terrible- Helion keep you up all night?' She threw her spoon at him. Then her porridge. Cassian caught the first and shielded against the other, his Siphon blazing like an awakening ember. Porridge slid to the floor. 'Helion wanted you to join,' she mildly replied, refilling her tea. 'Quite badly.' 'Maybe next time,' Cassian said.”

“But what Ianthe and Tamlin had said... 'You don't think it sends a bad message if people see me learning to fight- using weapons?' The moment the words were out, I realised the stupidity of them. The stupidity of- of what had been shoved down my throat these past months. Silence. Then Mor said with a soft venom that made my understand the High Lord's Third had received training of her own in the Court of Nightmares, 'Let me tell you two things. As someone who has perhaps been in your shoes before.' Again, that shared bond of anger, of pain throbbed between them all, save for Amren, who was giving me a look dripping with distaste. 'One,' Mor said, 'you have left the Spring Court.' I tried not to let the full weight of those words sink in. 'If that does not send a message, for good or bad, then your training will not, either. Two,' she continued, laying her palm flat on the table, 'I once lived in a place where the opinion of others mattered. It suffocated me, nearly broke me. So you'll understand me, Feyre, when I say that I know what you feel, and I know what they tried to do to you, and that with enough courage, you can say to help with a reputation.' Her voice gentled, and the tension between them all faded with it. 'You do what you love, what you need.' Mor would not tell me what to wear or not wear. She would not allow me to step aside while she spoke for me. She would not... would not do any of the things that I had so willingly, desperately, allowed Ianthe to do I had never had a female friend before. Ianthe... she had not been one. Not in the way that mattered, I realised. And Nesta and Elain, in those few weeks I'd been at home before Amarantha, had started to fill that role, but... but looking at Mor, I couldn't explain it, couldn't understand it, but... I felt it. Like I could indeed go to dinner with her. Talk to her. Not that I had much of anything to offer her in return.”