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Home to Woefield

Book by Susan Juby · 12 quotes · Humor, Seth, Crafts

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All Humor Seth Crafts Prudence Bandage Bobby Colonoscopy Crackle Crumbs Crush Dangerous Drunk Envy Eustace Farm Fraud Furniture Handsome Healthy Food Heart

Home to Woefield Quotes

“I had this vision of the two of us holding hands or getting into some light petting behind shower curtains or up in the fencing aisle or some shit.”

Humor Romantic Crush Seth Home Depot Light Petting Salesgirl

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield

“Earl had let Bertie off the porch for some fresh grass and I didn't want Dr. Eustace to see her. She still looked as though we'd put Hannibal Lecter in charge of her shearing and had hired the special effects team from Night of the Living Dead to bandage her.”

Humor Sheep Farm Wool Bandage Shearing

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield

“Fucking Hallmark never wrote anything for how I felt then. When Metallica and the rest of the metal community pitched in to pay for Acrassicauda, the Iraqi heavy metal band, to move to the US is the only thing that comes close. And maybe the late-breaking success of Anvil. I had a toasty heart, especially after I got called back to pick up first prize for Miss Frizz. Ah, never mind. You know what I'm saying.”

Humor Winning Touching Moments

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield

“I debated whether to tell them I had long since abandoned my writing career and moved into radishes and fraud, but decided the timing was wrong.”

Writing Humor Fraud Prudence Radishes

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield

“My heart kind of hurt when I looked at her. Not because I was in love, but because I could tell from looking at her that she didn't hate herself. Not only didn't she seem to hate herself, she barely seemed to think about herself. How fucking glorious must that be?”

Heart Prudence Self Image Self Perception Seth

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield

“This bastard was in a self-help program? For what? Square-jawed, cleft-chin sufferers? Handsome Bastards Anonymous?”

Humor Self Help Envy Handsome Seth Eustace

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield

“It's been a pretty tough day," he said. "No sense making it worse with a salad.”

Humor Salad Healthy Food Seth

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield

“...like the twig furniture she made, thinking it was going to make us rich, only she's shit with a hammer and nails and the stuff ended up being deadly. You were practically begging for a colonoscopy if you sat on it.”

Humor Dangerous Crafts Furniture Seth Colonoscopy

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield

“Good luck with that," I said. Because seriously. The fuck? Strawberry social? Did I somehow move onto the set of the remake of Little House on the Prairie?”

Humor Seth Little House On The Prairie Strawberry Social

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield

“My mom made the trays out of kits she bought at Michaels. She's crackled the shit out of them so they look like they're covered in diseased rhino skins.”

Humor Crafts Seth Crackle

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield

“Bobby just stared at me. There was already crumbs in his mustache and it was barely seven in the morning.”

Mustache Crumbs Seth Bobby

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield

“Wetting one's pants is no kind of self-esteem builder.”

Self Esteem Drunk Seth Wetting Pants

Book:Home to Woefield

Source: Home to Woefield