“I need to know where my clothes are, especially my pants. Fate of the world or not, I refuse to fight anybody in a backless hospital gown. It's against my religion.” “...your paperwork said your religious affiliation was Jedi.” “You ever seen somebody fight bare-assed in Star Wars? Actually don't answer that. I haven't seen all of the prequel trilogy yet.” HumourStar WarsFanfictionUndertale Book:Ebott's Wake Source: Ebott's Wake
“Thousands of years of waiting, and we're finally free. When the history books include this part, I don't want there to be a p-paragraph saying that monsters still had to stay in the Underground because Dr. Alphys was hung over.” “okay, that sounds bad, but consider this; everyone would remember your name when it came up on a quiz.” HumourFanfictionUndertale Book:Terra Incognita Source: Terra Incognita
“For a moment, both men (not to mention several skeleton monsters) stood completely still, dumbfounded. Hal recovered first, pumping both arms in the air. "HAHAHAHA! JUST LIKE THEY SAY! RED BULL GIVES YOU WIIINGS!” HumourSpoilersRed BullUndertaleNo ContextHal Greene Book:Ebott's Wake Source: Ebott's Wake
“11:23 AM LadyDeathwish: Hey that skeleton in the video with you and the cop 11:23 AM LadyDeathwish: Is he single 11:23 AM: r u talking abt papyrus or sans 11:24 AM: papyrus is the tall 11:24 AM: WAIT WAT 11:24 AM LadyDeathwish: DON'T YOU START 11:24 AM LadyDeathwish: Being demi is a chore 11:24 AM LadyDeathwish: Who am I attracted to? and why?! 11:24 AM: fuck I know Matt was an asshole 11:24 AM: but I didn't realize he was bad enough to get you to give up on human men entirely” HumourProfanityUndertale Book:Terra Incognita Source: Terra Incognita
“This chapter portrays United States politicians in their natural habitat. Reader discretion is advised. No claims are made that the portrayal of any named Senators is accurate; any similarity with actual Senators, sitting or former, is purely coincidental... not to mention really weird.” HumourNotesPoliticiansFanfictionUndertale Book:Ebott's Wake Source: Ebott's Wake
“He who steals my wallet steals cash; tis something, nothing, twas mine, now his, and has been slave to thousands, but he who steals my phone steals my good name, and robs me of that which not enriches him, to say nothing of my music library.” ComedyHumourShakespeareParaphraseUndertaleVan Garrett Book:Ebott's Wake Source: Ebott's Wake
“Excuse me? Who here had the bright idea of healing a gunshot wound with the bullet still in it?” All eyes turned to another doctor that had stepped into the hallway. Toriel narrowed her eyes. “That was my doing. You must be Doctor Akron. Doctor Ross mentioned you might stop by.” “I'll bet. Listen to me. What you did put that girl's life in danger. You left contaminated shrapnel in an open wound and sealed it up without even trying to sterilize it.” “I... I am not familiar with the details of human medical treatment-” “Exactly! You have no business making those kinds of calls! All you did was make things worse! Even with the X-Rays we had to perform exploratory surgery to find all of those bullet fragm-” Hal Greene suddenly pushed past the queen and stood face to face with Dr. Akron. “Hi there doctor! You sound cranky, you could use some fresh air!” Before anyone could respond, Hal grabbed the doctor's shoulder, knelt down, pulled, and twisted in one seamless movement that left the doctor in a fireman's carry across his shoulders. “What in the- PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!” “I can't put you down here, you silly billy! The fresh air is outside the building! Let's go! DAH NAH NAAAAAH DAH NAH NAHHHH....” Every person in the hallway watched in confusion as Hal carried the angry doctor on his shoulders, running down the hallway, into the lobby, and presumably outside the building. “...WAS THAT THE ROCKY THEME HE WAS TRYING TO SING?” Papyrus scratched his skull in confusion. “Yeah.” Justin shrugged. “Hal loves underdog stories.” HumourSurgerySpoilersSpoilerUndertaleHal Greene Book:Ebott's Wake Source: Ebott's Wake
“But the real weak point in all of these arguments is simply that, for every reason people can come up with to dislike and reject monsters, there are an equal number of reasons to tolerate and accept them. And we know all of them by heart because we've heard them all before, as Frisk Dreemurr said earlier, when they were used against other human beings. Though having said that, there are also other reasons to like monsters, and I have a few of them right here.” The host on the screen reached down and started pulling objects out from underneath the news desk and placing them on top of it, while the audience started to laugh. “We have vanilla, chocolate, chocolate chip, fudge, caramel, butterscotch, cherry, wild mango, lava cake, actual lava not sure how that works, strawberry kiwi, watermelon, and pistachio.” The host picked up one of the items and showed it on screen, so that the logo of the smiling blue monster was easily visible. “And don't forget, when you're done eating the Nice Cream, you also have a message on the wrapper telling you something positive and reassuring. So if I could give a little advice to the anti-monster crowd out there, if you're still watching? Your competition has all these different flavors, and please note that 'Salty' is not one of them. Cornering that market is not the brilliant strategy you seem to think it is.” HumourAnti RacismUndertaleNews Broadcast Book:Ebott's Wake Source: Ebott's Wake
“Just a basic attack. Soft as you can make it. Just enough to trigger the INV response.” “Doc, I'm not a scientist or a warrior, I don't know how to cut things that fine. Also you're basically asking me to hit my girlfriend and I have several problems with that.” “Actually I'm asking you to attack the embryo inside her.” “What part of that is an improvement?!” HumourSpoilersFanfictionUndertaleNo Context Book:Ebott's Wake Source: Ebott's Wake
“I mean, people say better the devil you know than the devil you don't, but when the devil you know kills one of your best friends since kindergarten-” “You end up re-evaluating your fucking priorities.” IntenseProfanitySpoilersUndertaleNo Context Book:Ebott's Wake Source: Ebott's Wake