“Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.” HumorFunnyTablesPlusGearsCafeteriaAcne Author:Zach Galifianakis
“You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.” PeopleIfsKnowsI CanHumorFunnyKnow HowGayFatsCerebralCerebral Palsy Author:Zach Galifianakis
“You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.” KnowsHumorFunnyFitFatsSock Author:Zach Galifianakis
“I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."” WantShowsHumorRealityFunnyDiseaseSexuallyReality ShowsMolesSexually Transmitted Diseases Author:Zach Galifianakis
“My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.” HumorFunnyNightPartyCoupleDinnerGirlfriendDeafMy GirlfriendDinner PartyGood FunCharades Author:Zach Galifianakis
“I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."” KindHardHumorFunnyConversation Author:Zach Galifianakis
“I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.” LittlesHumorFunnyProtectiveHelmetWigs Author:Zach Galifianakis
“We do not pull in and fill up. And I'll tell you why we don't. It's because I don't buy one goddamn drop of gas in the state of Michigan. We'll coast and push this goddamn car to the Ohio line before I give this state a nickel of my money.” GivingStatesLinesCarFootballGasCoastOhioMichiganNickelsMichigan Wolverines Author:Woody Hayes
“It's more than personal. I can't screw it up. I have to do.” I CanFootballScrewsMichigan Wolverines Author:Jim Harbaugh
“Fans have a constitutional right to expect success and have high expectations.” FansFootballExpectationsHigh ExpectationsMichigan Wolverines Author:Jim Harbaugh