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Quote by Greg Behrendt

“It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.”

Quote by Greg Behrendt

Author

Greg Behrendt, born on July 21, 1963, is an American stand-up comedian known for his unique humor style and profound emotional insights. He has had a significant impact in the comedy industry. more

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“Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica?”

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“She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.”

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“I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.”

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“My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.”

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“I'm just saying, tonight, if you're going through a breakup and you're drinking, don't call. Just don't do it. Don't call. Because here's the thing: booze has information in it!”

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“If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.”

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“I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.”

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“So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.”

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“I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.”

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