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Quote by Greg Behrendt

“My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.”

Quote by Greg Behrendt

Author

Greg Behrendt, born on July 21, 1963, is an American stand-up comedian known for his unique humor style and profound emotional insights. He has had a significant impact in the comedy industry. more

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“I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.”

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“I'm just saying, tonight, if you're going through a breakup and you're drinking, don't call. Just don't do it. Don't call. Because here's the thing: booze has information in it!”

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“If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.”

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“I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.”

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“So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.”

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“I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.”

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“I'm just not interested in daytime television, which is something you should remember the next time somebody offers you a daytime talk show.”

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