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Quote by Mike Birbiglia

“I got an E-Trade account. Turns out I can turn $1,000 into $420 in less than a week. Sure, I had to pay some fees.”

Quote by Mike Birbiglia

Author

Mike Birbiglia, born on June 20, 1978, is an American comedian known for his self-deprecating and humorous style. He often finds humor in personal stories and everyday occurrences. Birbiglia gained prominence in the comedy world through his personal narratives and monologue comedy, winning the hearts of audiences with his unique approach. more

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“A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'”

Done Humor Funny Girl Watches Clubs

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“Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs. They come up to you and say "You gotta dance! you gotta dance!" And then I dance, and they're like, "Not like that!"”

Trying Humor Funny Come Up Clubs Up To You

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“It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.”

Children Hard Humor Kids Funny Names Growing Up Growing Clever Call Me

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“They really cut to the chase in the urologist's examination room, and I tried to laugh. If this office were a movie, it would have been rated R.”

Ifs Has Beens Humor Funny Rooms Laughing Cutting Office Examination

Book:Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

Source: Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

“I was an altar boy as a kid. And the answer is no.”

Humor Kids Funny Answers Boys Altars

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“I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: "whitebread". The other day, someone came up to me and said, "What's up, whitebread?" And I was like, "That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!"”

Persons Said I Can Humor Funny Black Can Do White Race My Favorite Insult Chickens Plus Soup Asian Beans Crackers Slurs

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“I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"”

Want Ends Humor Funny Guy Hate Sentences Smoke Pot Hate Me

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“I was made to believe that my life was going to be fixed and it wasn't. I'm still the same loser who had flown to Los Angeles on my sister's frequent flier miles just six days before.”

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“So I went to a club the other day, which is timely because my self esteem had been hovering right around 'normal' and I had been meaning to knock it down to negative 1000.”

Self Humor Funny Self Esteem Normal Negative Clubs Esteem Timely Hovering

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“I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. Which I thought was cocky.”

Humor Funny Funeral Cocky Kleenex

Author:Mike Birbiglia