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The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

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Olga Trujillo

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“The diagnosis shouldn't have surprised me, as we had been talking about my symptoms for so long. But it's easier to think you just have a bunch of parts inside. Everyone says things like "A part of me wants to go to the movies, but another part of me wants to just stay home." Using the term "part" made me feel normal. I knew I was a little different in that my parts were quite separate aspects of me. I knew my consciousness wasn't whole and knew that it was unusual to have some thoughts come to me in Spanish. I knew most people didn't experience terror and struggle to catch their breath when they were in benign situations. But we hadn't been calling this DID, so I'd been able to avoid fully accepting the implications of having these special parts.”

Mental IllnessDissociative Identity DisorderAlter PersonalitiesDissociative PartsPersonality States
Book:The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder
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“Steve said he was glad that I trusted him to develop relationships with the other personalities. He knew that my acceptance of them was a sign of greater health, but he really liked me best and wanted to know when I'd be integrated—when the other personalities would be gone. "Look, Steve," I said, "whether you like it or not, all of the personalities are part of this entity. No personality is ever going to disappear.”

Dissociative Identity DisorderMultiple Personality DisorderAlter PersonalitiesDissociative PartsDidmpd
Book:The Flock: The Autobiography of a Multiple Personality
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“Neurobiological differences have been demonstrated between dissociative identities within patients with DID and between patients with DID and controls. Given the current evidence, DID as a diagnostic entity cannot be explained as a phenomenon created by iatrogenic influences, suggestibility, malingering, or social role-taking. On the contrary, DID is an empirically robust chronic psychiatric disorder based on neurobiological, cognitive, and interpersonal non-integration as a response to unbearable stress. While current evidence is sufficient to firmly establish this etiological stance, given the wide opportunities for innovative research, the disorder is still understudied.”

Mental HealthNeuroscienceDissociative Identity DisorderAlter PersonalitiesDissociative DisorderNeurobiologyDissociative PartsDissociative Identities
Author:Vedat Sar
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“The tools of reason are cold and inert; they cannot be used to form the foundations of those values from which we become animate. So when contemporary philosophers, scientists, politicians, and even the common man attempt to justify their beliefs based on reason alone, they are ultimately doomed to fail in their efforts. Science and logic are powerful tools of excavation to uncover facts, but at the depths of the canyon from which they dig, the question of why will always echo back to them.”

ReasonScienceFaithBelief
Author:Tanner Cook
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“The first time I caught the ball before it touched the ground, Mike yelled, "Good job!" I held on to the feeling, capturing his words in my fist. In this way I created a part that could play basketball—a part that could focus on the ball to the exclusion of all other distractions. These types of "happy" and "good" parts countered desperate times and feelings and made it possible for me to succeed in school, receive praise and positive reactions from others, excel fearlessly in sports, and develop friendships.”

Dissociative Identity DisorderAlter PersonalitiesDissociative DisorderDissociative Parts
Book:The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder
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“Because DID requires the presence of amnesia, DID patients are, by DSM-5 definition (American Psychiatric Association, 2013), unaware of some of their behavior in different states. Progress in treatment includes helping patients become more aware of, and in better control of, their behavior across all states. To those who have not had training in treating DID, this increased awareness may make it seem as if patients are creating new self-states, and “getting worse,” when in fact they are becoming aware of aspects of themselves for which they previously had limited or no awareness or control. Although some DID patients create new self-states in adulthood, clinicians strongly advise patients against so doing (Fine, 1989; ISSTD, 2011; Kluft, 1989).”

Self AwarenessTherapyTreatmentDissociative Identity DisorderPsychotherapyAmnesiaAlter PersonalitiesDissociative PartsAlters
Author:Bethany L. Brand
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“Managers usually have extensive knowledge of events and of the system. They are often available to explain to the therapist the internal systemic dilemmas that are not otherwise evident. Generally, they are fairly empty of affect. Another term for managers has been internal self-helpers (Putnam, 1989).”

Dissociative Identity DisorderAlter PersonalitiesDissociative PartsProtectorsPersonality States
Book:Understanding and Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder
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“To preemptively protect the child so that the child may anticipate the abuse rather than be surprised by it, protector parts become persecutors modeled on the abusers. Thus, parts who were protectors when the person was a young child may become persecutors in time, holding anger and rage and meting out punishments to other parts of the self.”

Dissociative Identity DisorderAlter PersonalitiesAlter IdentitiesProtectorsPersonality StatesPersecutors
Book:Understanding and Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder
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“It is clear that the various personalities I am seeing are quite different from one another. The physical changes are startling. I have come to know Missy, Jo, Renee, and Joan Frances well and am no longer surprised by the move from one personality to another. In fact, I experience each of them as different from the others in the same way as my other patients are different from one another. Although they share the same body, they are not the same and do not wear the body in the same way. It may be more accurate to say that the various personalities share the same physical space in a serial manner. Their descriptions of their parents have virtually nothing in common. Renee even denies that they are her parents. She doesn't claim different parents. She doesn't claim any at all, saying that she is "a creation of this entity alone.”

Dissociative Identity DisorderMultiple Personality DisorderMultiple PersonalitiesAlter PersonalitiesDissociative PartsAlter Identities
Book:The Flock: The Autobiography of a Multiple Personality
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“Robin and Reagan are unique in that they date their creation not to a single traumatic event but to the need of the group to maintain a nonconficted, nonabreactive memory trace. The other past-keepers are both reactive and information-providing personalities-they appear in my office to give me information the system seems to think I need, or in response to my touching a critical nerve in the Jo, Missy, Joan Frances, or Renee personalities.”

Dissociative Identity DisorderAlter PersonalitiesDissociative PartsAlter PersonalityMemory Trigger
Book:The Flock: The Autobiography of a Multiple Personality
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