“Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or "My dad keeps losing his car keys." And then I just think of different ways the story could end. "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend." Then I try it out on stage. I don't do a lot of re-writing. My jokes either work or they don't. The trick is just to write a ton of jokes.” PeopleThinkingWayWritingTryingDifferentEndsStoriesStageCarCryExampleKeysDadLosingJokesMy DadTricksUpsetDifferent WaysGirlfriendMy GirlfriendHaircutsCar KeysNew GirlfriendNew Haircut Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played the part of "Accounting Clerk" on Deadwood. Actually, I was the accounting clerk for production of "Deadwood."” PeopleLooksPagesMeetingsProductionsAccountingClerks Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.” Acting Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“Failure is only postponed success as long as courage 'coaches' ambition. The habit of persistence is the habit of victory.” InspirationalLongMotivationalCouragePositiveHabitVictoryAmbitionPerseveranceCoachesPersistenceGymnasticsWill PowerDetermination And SuccessDetermination PerseverancePerseverance And DeterminationDetermination And PersistenceInspirational DeterminationPersistence InspirationalCourage And DeterminationPersistence In BusinessPersistence LoveCourage And PerseverancePersistence And LoveVictory And Success Author:Herbert Kaufman
“My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.” Would BeNightFunPerfectComedyDrinkingBeerRestaurantsHanging OutGoing OutHeadingsDrinking BeerCellarsPerfect Night Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“We are seeing Republicans uniting behind this [presidential] campaign [2016].” BehindsSeeingRepublicanCampaignsPresidentialUnitingPresidential Campaign Author:Ted Cruz
“We should be breaking down barriers, not building walls.” ShouldBuildingWallBarriersBreaking DownBuilding WallsBreaking Down Barriers Author:Ted Cruz
“As his campaign marches toward Cleveland, [Donald] Trump drawing more protests, too. Check out this scene from Arizona yesterday. The road to a Trump rally blocked. And there are new questions overnight about how Trump and his supporters are dealing with those protests.” TrumpSceneDrawingCampaignsYesterdayChecksProtestMarchSupporterArizonaBlockedCleveland Author:George Stephanopoulos