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The World's Most Frustrated Man

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Abhaidev

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“If you have quick verbal skills, use humor to deflect attacks. A quip instead of a counterattack can ease tension, reduce the impact of the other person's aggression, and help build the relationship. When in doubt, use self-deprecating humor such as, “Oh, I see, all you want me to do is to cave in, go belly up, and hand you everything you want. I guess I must come across as the weakest player in the universe.” And with tough bargainers, don't give in too soon; otherwise they might worry that they could have gained more and left too much on the table. In such cases, you must let them believe that they have wrested every last concession from you.”

HumorRelationshipToughTensionAggressionAttackBargainVerbalGive InConcession
Book:Influence Without Authority
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“Being around other people and developing close relationships feels good for a reason, and that reason is dopamine. Thus it’s not surprising that dopamine and oxytocin interact with each other. Dopamine neurons connect to the part of the hypothalamus where oxytocin is produced, and oxytocin stimulates the area of the brain stem where dopamine is produced. In addition, the dopamine-rich nucleus accumbens receives input from oxytocin neurons.”

RelationshipDopamineOxytocinHypothalamus
Book:The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time
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“I have more boundaries, more directness, and speak up for myself in my relationship with my wife more than I ever have in any other relationship.”

RelationshipDirectSpeak UpBoundary
Book:Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself
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“I want to emphasize how important it is to maintain a collaborative relationship even when you’re setting boundaries. Your response must always be expressed in the form of strong, yet empathic, limit-setting boundaries—that is, tough love.”

StrongRelationshipEmpatheticLimitTough LoveBoundaryCollaborative
Book:Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
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“Think of punching back and boundary-setting tactics as a flattened S-curve: you’ve accelerated up the slope of a negotiation and hit a plateau that requires you to temporarily stop any progress, escalate or de-escalate the issue acting as the obstacle, and eventually bring the relationship back to a state of rapport and get back on the slope. Taking a positive, constructive approach to conflict involves understanding that the bond is fundamental to any resolution.”

RelationshipBondRapportBoundaryNegotiate
Book:Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
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