“Healthy people understand that others have the capacity to choose to end relationships and it serves as motivation for them to learn to relate in healthy and loving ways. However, when we are driven by shame, we don't just fear losing a relationship, but we live in terror that if we let anyone really get to know us, we would never be desired, pursued, or loved. In us, that fear can be worked out in the development of unhealthy denial, workaholism, perfectionism, chameleon-type behavior, and sadly, even revictimization... When we live in denial or present a false self out of fear... we will do anything to be accepted by people... When we begin to tell the truth about what happened to us we also begin the process of turning about from this type of idolatry... When we begin to tear away our layers of illegitimate shame... When our own vision is not distorted by our shame we can discern what was our responsibility and what wasn't.”
Quote by Wendy Mahill
Work
Growing a Passionate Heart
Browse quotes and source details for this work. more
Author
You May Also Like
Source: The Heart and Soul of Black Women: Poems of Love, Struggle and Resilience
“Tell me what's goin' on before I turn you loose on the world -Jake Ely”
“Until you don't meet your best friend, you won't find your best introduction”
“Why is it in the corner like that? It comes out when I shower. Like a cursed offering?”
Source: Still Allowed: A Perimenopausal Love Story
“A person's actions will tell you all that you need to know.”
“It is not worth the while to let our imperfections disturb us always.”