Home / Quotes / Quote by Mitch Hedberg

Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?”

Quote by Mitch Hedberg

Author

Mitch Hedberg was an American comedian born on February 24, 1968. He was known for his unique humor style and insightful observations. Hedberg's career was brief, but he left a lasting impression in the comedy world with his witty sarcasm and humorous wisdom. more

You May Also Like

“I called the hotel operator and she said, "How can I direct your call?" I said, "Well, you could say 'Action!', and I'll begin to dial. And when I say 'Goodbye', then you can yell 'Cut!'"”

Wells Said Humor Action Funny Cutting Direct Goodbye Hotel Saying Goodbye Operators

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“A dog came to my door, so I gave him a bone, the dog took the bone into the back yard and buried it. I'm going to go plant a tree there, with bones on it, then the dog will come back and say, "Shoot! It worked! I must distribute these bones equally for I have a green paw!"”

Humor Funny Doors Tree Dog Green Plant Bones Buried Yards Paws Plant A Tree

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!”

Ifs Needs Made Humor Funny Lays Bars Holes Sugar Candy Candy Bar

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.”

Want Trying Home Humor Funny Studios Apartment Cheese Mobile Dwelling Tents Cottages Tornadoes

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!"”

Want Humor Funny Air Cold Balloons Cold Air Air Balloons

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great.”

Thinking Humor Funny Stuff Tigers

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“This one commercial said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did, and it was a load off of my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell slipcovers, but I didn't know what they were!”

Knows Mind Said Humor Funny Forget Sells Load Of My Mind Forget Everything

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I'm into carpooling, because sometimes my car gets hot and needs to refresh itself.”

Needs Sometimes Humor Funny Car Hot

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.”

Ifs Knows Two Humor Funny Turns Next Imagine Player Magic Beats Sticks Soup Bass Drummer Wands Bass Players Magic Wands

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.”

Hard Done Humor Funny Microphones

Author:Mitch Hedberg