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Quote by Robert Schimmel

“I'm not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can't do it.”

Quote by Robert Schimmel

Book:Cancer on Five Dollars a Day Chemo Not Included: How Humor Got Me Through the Toughest Journey of My Life

Work

Cancer on Five Dollars a Day Chemo Not Included: How Humor Got Me Through the Toughest Journey of My Life

This book is a candid account of the author's battle with cancer, detailing their experiences with treatment and the emotional challenges faced. The narrative incorporates humor as a coping mechanism, offering a unique perspective on the hardships of cancer and the human spirit's resilience. more

Author

Robert Schimmel

Robert Schimmel, born on January 16, 1950 and passed away on September 3, 2010, was a renowned American comedian. Known for his unique sense of humor and sharp wit, Schimmel's comedic style was highly appreciated by audiences. His work often tackled social and political issues, bringing laughter while also prompting reflection. more

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“A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: 'Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week.' Yeah, where is that? 'Cause I wanna move there.”

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“Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut.”

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“So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: "You know, maybe you're suffering from premature ejaculation." Yeah, does it look like I'm suffering? Those aren't tears on your belly.”

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“You know you're out of shape when you have a heart attack when you're watching television.”

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“How do blind people know when they're done wiping their ass?”

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“If you get a ticket, you can go to traffic school, and they make you watch movies for like eight hours: head-on collisions, mannequins flying out the windshield. At the end of the movie, the instructor goes, 'Now what have we learned by this?' Never let a mannequin drive your car.”

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“My daughter saw this billboard for this place: 'Swim With the Dolphins.' She goes, 'I wanna do that.' I said, 'It's a lot of money - forget about it.' She said, 'Dad, I always wanted to swim with the dolphins.' 'Always, or since you saw the sign?”

Said Wanted Forget Saws Dad Daughter My Daughter Swim Lots Of Money Dolphins Billboards

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“I went to rent a car, and the guy goes, 'Do you want the extra insurance?' I said, 'Why...am I gonna get into an extra accident?”

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“It's fun to be in California. The police are kind of weird here. They ask you stupid questions. 'Do you know why I pulled you over?' Because I have pot in the glove compartment?”

Knows Kind Asks Fun Stupid Police California Do You Know Pot Gloves Stupid Questions

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“My mom told me when I was younger that when you jack off all of your dead relatives are watching. But then I figured who were they going to tell.”

Author:Robert Schimmel