Best Hemorrhoids Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“Death sat on a mountaintop. It wasn’t particularly high, or bare, or sinister. No witches held naked sabbats on it; Discworld witches, on the whole, didn’t hold with taking off anymore clothes than was absolutely necessary for the business in hand. No specters haunted it. No naked little men sat on the summit dispensing wisdom, because the first thing the truly wise man works out is that sitting around on mountaintops gives you not only hemorrhoids but frostbitten hemorrhoids. Occasionally people would climb the mountain and add a stone or two to the cairn at the top, if only to prove that there is nothing really damn stupid that humans won’t do.”

Witches Mountaintop Hemorrhoids

Book:Reaper Man

Source: Reaper Man

“If natural philosophy does not teach us the remedies for many diseases, it furnishes us at least with certain means to contract them.”

Philosophy Disease Remedy Cause And Effect Cause Cure Contract Hemorrhoids

Book:The Memoirs of Jacques Casanova de Seingalt 1725 - 1798

Source: The Memoirs of Jacques Casanova de Seingalt 1725 - 1798

“One poll showed that Americans have a higher opinion of witches, the IRS and hemorrhoids than Congress”

Opinion Higher Congress Witch Polls Irs Hemorrhoids

Author:Tom Coburn

“When I first started out, I was considered a crackpot. The doctors used to say, "Don't go to that Jack LaLanne, you'll get hemorrhoids, you won't get an erection, you women will look like men, you athletes will get muscle-bound -- this is what I had to go through.”

Men Firsts Looks Used Doctors Bounds Athlete Muscles Crackpots Hemorrhoids

Author:Jack LaLanne

“The movies are celluloid hemorrhoids. No, worse: They're celluloid Bon Jovi.”

Celluloid Hemorrhoids Bon Jovi

Author:Kyle Smith

“Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids”

Hemorrhoids

Author:George Carlin

“I have, of all the inglorious things, a malignant hemorrhoid. What color bracelet does one wear for that? And where does one wear it? And what slogan is apropos? Perhaps that slogan can be sewn in needlepoint around the ruffle on a cover for my embarrassing little doughnut buttocks pillow.”

Littles Doe Color Embarrassing Slogans Pillow Doughnut Bracelet Buttocks Ruffles Hemorrhoids

Book:Holidays in Heck

Source: Holidays in Heck

“I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.”

World Sitting Top Of The World Hemorrhoids

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut.”

Ifs Way Would Be Astronaut Asteroids Hemorrhoids

Author:Robert Schimmel

“Question the Chestnuts. Chestnuts: the new name for boobs? No. NO. Why would you even say that? Get your mind out of the gutter. No, by "chestnuts" I mean, "those old pieces of writing advice that you hear as common refrain." 'Write what you know.' 'Adverbs give Baby Jesus hemorrhoids.' 'If you write a prologue, an orphan loses his sight.' All the "old saws" need to be put on the chopping block.”

“The other thing that's useful for me is this notion of the absolute versus the relative:if we walk out and it's a beautiful morning, it's only a beautiful morning because we don't have a broken leg or hemorrhoids or something.”

Ifs Beautiful Walks Morning Broken Absolutes Notion Legs Relative Versus Beautiful Morning Broken Leg Hemorrhoids

Author:George Saunders

“I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I'm sure you are aware of it. You don't need a sign to tell anybody about it.”

Ifs Needs Said Saws Week Awareness Office Doctors Let Me One Time Hemorrhoids

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“Sir, this lane is for ten items or less. I’m counting thirteen items in your cart, including that hemorrhoid cream. And while hemorrhoids might give you a reason to be nasty, they don’t give you a reason to be in this lane.”

Giving Reason Might Ten Including Cream Nasty Items Counting Lanes Thirteen Carts Hemorrhoids

Author:J.A. Konrath

“You must be Pain in the Nick.” – Dev “Huh?” – Nick “Don’t wet your pets. Just a figure of speech. Your mom’s been talking about you all day, boy. You are her favorite topic.” – Dev “Well, I try hard not to be her favorite hemorrhoid.” – Nick”

Trying Wells Hard Pain Talking Boys Figures Mom Speech Pet Wet Topics Your Mom Figures Of Speech Hemorrhoids

Author:Sherrilyn Kenyon

“Awards are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one.”

Writing Awards Sooner Or Later Hemorrhoids

Author:Francois Ozon

“The one who swallows cactuses with spines should not complain about hemorrhoids.”

Should Complaining Spine Hemorrhoids

Author:Etgar Keret