Filter quotes by topic
Famous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
“In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop.”
“I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.”
“My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.”
“I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.”
“Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.”
“Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.”
“What a childhood I had - I was ten years old when I found out Alpo was dog food.”
“I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.”
“I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.”
“Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.”
“I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother”
“I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.”
“My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.”
“There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.”
“My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark”
“My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.”
“I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.”
“I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.”
“My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles”
“I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!”