“I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.”
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Famous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
“I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.”
“My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.”
“There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.”
“My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark”
“My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.”
“I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.”
“I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!”
“One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!”
“I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".”
“I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.”
“I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.”
“My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.”
“With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.”
“When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.”
“My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.”
“I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.”
“It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.”
“I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.”