“What a childhood I had - I was ten years old when I found out Alpo was dog food.”
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Famous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
“My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.”
“My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.”
“I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.”
“What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.”
“She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.”
“When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.”
“Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.”
“What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.”