Book detail: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs is presented as a focused source page for quotations connected with this book, collection, transcript, or source record.
This memoir delves into the personal narrative of the author, chronicling a life filled with controversy and a disregard for societal norms. The story is interwoven with accounts of numerous sexual encounters and a struggle with substance dependence. The author's experiences are portrayed with a raw, unfiltered perspective, offering readers an intimate look into a life that has been both celebrated and vilified.
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“In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went right, and I realized that millions of people felt the same way. So when I first came
back my catch phrase was "nothing goes right." Early on, that was my setup for a lot of jokes.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“Life's a short trip. You'll find out.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“f a group of guys are hanging around and one guy is doing coke, he’ll say, ‘Take a hit. You’ll feel like a new man.’ He’s right; the problem is that once you feel like a new man, that new man wants a hit so he can feel like a new man. And that goes on and on until the coke runs out, and you’re broke.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs