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Drinking Funny Quotes

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Drinking Funny Quotes

“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.”

“Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.”

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”

“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”

“He that drinks fast, pays slow. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.”

“I don't trust people who don't use profanity.”

“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.”

“I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.”

“Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.”

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

“You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”

“If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.”

“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”

“Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.”

“If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.”

“Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.”

“Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”

“Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”

“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

“What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?”

“An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.”

“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.”

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”

“The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.”

“You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”

“That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.”

“Ho! Ho! Ho! To the bottle I go To heal my heart and drown my woe Rain may fall, and wind may blow And many miles be still to go But under a tall tree will I lie And let the clouds go sailing by”

“When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.”

“There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.”