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Famous W. C. Fields Quotes
“When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.”
“Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.”
“I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.”
“Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.”
“Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.”
“It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.”
“I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?”
“This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.”
“Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.”
“If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.”
“Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.”
“Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.”
“There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.”
“Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.”
“Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.”
“I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.”
“I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.”