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Famous W. C. Fields Quotes
“Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.”
“I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”
“I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.”
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.”
“I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.”
“Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.”
“I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.”
“It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.”
“The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.”
“I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.”
“I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.”
“Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!”
“A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.”
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.”
“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
“Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.”
“Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.”
“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.”