“I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.”
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Famous W. C. Fields Quotes
“Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.”
“A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.”
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.”
“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
“Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.”
“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.”