Best Liquor Funny Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.”

Source: Travels With My Aunt

“Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.”

Source: Time Enough for Love

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”

Source: The Good Life According to Hemingway

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

“If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.”

“If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.”

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.”

“Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”

“One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.”

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”

“The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.”

“You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”

Source: Real Frank Zappa Book

“Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.”

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”

Source: The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind Is Beer: And Other Manly Insights from Dave Barry

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

“I don't think I've ever drunk champagne before breakfast before. With breakfast on several occasions, but never before before.”

Thinking Drink Drinking Alcohol Drunk Occasions Breakfast Champagne Funny Alcohol Breakfast At Tiffanys Liquor Funny Champagne Drinking Don't Drink Alcohol

Author:Truman Capote

“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.”

“Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector.”

Source: Travels With My Aunt

“No poems can please long or live that are written by water drinkers.”

Long Poetry Water Written Food Please Drinkers Funny Drinking Drinking Funny Drinking Wine Liquor Funny Drinking With Friends Wine Drinkers

Author:Horace

“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”

“I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.”

Source: The World of Raymond Chandler: In His Own Words

“No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.”

“I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.”

“I drink to make other people interesting.”

Source: The World of George Jean Nathan: Essays, Reviews, & Commentary

“Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.”

“The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.”

Source: Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin

“No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.”

“Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.”

Source: The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions

“You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.”

Source: Real Frank Zappa Book

“One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.”

“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!”

“Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.”

“I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.”

“If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.”

“The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind.”

Source: Prejudices Fourth Series

“I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.”

“It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety.”

Source: Confessions of an English Opium-Eater: Being an Extract from the Life of a Scholar

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”

“I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”

“I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.”

Source: What Every Christian Ought to Know

“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

“Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.”

“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.”

“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.”

Humor Funny Stuff Water Drink Alcohol Alcoholism Pipe Rust Drinking Alcohol Drinking Water Drink Water Bars Drinking Liquor Funny

Author:W. C. Fields

“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”

Source: On Booze (New Directions Pearls)

Liquor Funny Quotes

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Liquor Funny Quotes