Best Golfing Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Do you know who profits most in a gold rush? Mining suppliers—merchants. Today that includes marketers, because they're selling an idea or lifestyle. It's why golf's richest men aren't the pro players.”

Wealth Money Rich Gold Golf Marketing Golfing Mining Golfer Merchant

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I got a new golf bag. I keep it full of sad harmonica tunes that I hand out like Halloween candy to all the rainy-eyed players.”

Humor Sadness Sad Golf Halloween Surreal Golfing Golfer Harmonica

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I golf like a Jackson Pollock painting, but that's balanced out by the fact that I paint like Jack Nicklaus golfs. My record is finishing in 63 strokes.”

Art Humor Painting Golf Golfing Golfer Jackson Pollock Jack Nicklaus

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“When I golf, I use just enough strokes to create a masterpiece, like I'm a painter. The score I post up would look great on a museum wall.”

Art Painting Golf Paint Painter Masterpiece Golfing Museum Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I golf like a Jackson Pollock painting. I splatter my shots all over the place—and then I act like I just produced a masterpiece.”

Art Humor Painting Golf Absurd Masterpiece Golfing Golfer Jackson Pollock

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“My golf swing is like a James Cagney smile. It curves with sincerity, but it's also slightly sinister.”

Golf Smile Golfing Sinister Actor Golfer Swing James Cagney

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy, your golfing days are over.”

Humor Golf Coffee Joke Golfing Coma Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I'll bet playing classical music to plants would make them grow taller. When my ducks listen to Mozart, they become more cultured and have done things like taken up golf.”

Culture Growth Music Golf Ducks Classical Music Duck Golfing Mozart Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“John Daly is all the Caddyshack characters in one body. He's a caricature of a person, and that's why I'm a fan.”

Character Golf Golfing Golfer Fan John Daly Caddyshack

Book:Powdered Saxophone Music

Source: Powdered Saxophone Music

“A cigarette is just rolled up leaves, which makes it a smokable salad burrito. That makes the golfer John Daly a health advocate.”

Humor Health Golf Absurd Cigarette Salad Golfing Golfer John Daly Burrito

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Inflation hurts us all. Today I'm seeing inflation at the grocery store, the leisure sector, and even on my golf scorecard. Yes, The Central Bank is to blame for my horrendous game.”

Humor Money Golf Inflation Groceries Golfing Golfer Prices

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I played a round of golf, but I didn't get an eagle. No, that symbol of American FREEDOM flew away faster than I could say Francis Scott Key.”

America Freedom Golf Absurd Golfing Eagle Golfer Francis Scott Key

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Zebras are piano horses. I think about that when I’m swinging a golf club, and it brings a musical cowboy element to my game that another player might not be able to buy in a vending machine.”

Music Horse Golf Piano Cowboy Surreal Golfing Golfer Zebra

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Golf is the only sport where you can't tell how good a player might be by glancing at their physical form. I've seen some real slobs shoot scores so low the number is almost their age.”

Humor Age Sports Golf Golfing Sport Golfer Slob

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Pool tables should have contours, like golf courses. For a novice billiards player, I have a pretty good swing.”

Humor Golf Absurd Pool Golf Course Golfing Billiards Pool Table

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“John Daly is from Arkansas, but now lives in Florida. I'm from Florida, but now I live in Arkansas. I am the inverse John Daly, and I think my golf game proves it.”

Humor Golf Absurd Florida Golfing Arkansas Golfer John Daly

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I watched the cheese melt in the microwave—along with the surrounding plastic. I forgot to take it out of its package before use, just like my golf game.”

Golf Absurd Nonsense Plastic Weird Surreal Golfing Golfer Microwave

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Golf Courses don't grow on Trees . . . Trees grow on Golf Courses”

Golf Golf Course Golfing Golf Courses Golf Psychology

Author:Kevin Kolenda

“I love cola-flavored soda—especially if it's authentically brown colored and manufactured by the government. It reminds me that Soviet Russia never produced any great golfers, and that is the only mistake made by the game over the centuries.”

Humor History Golf Russia Golfing Soda Golfer Cola

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“People ask me if I like golfing, and I look at them and reply, "Does The Pope wipe his ass with tuna fish sandwiches?" That response is NOT sponsored by Subway.”

Golf Absurd Pope Subway Golfing Tuna Golfer Sandwich Tunafish

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I love how golf courses have water hazards. But the ponds feel empty without ducks. I'd like to start a business renting my ducks out to country clubs.”

Golf Ducks Duck Golf Course Golfing Duck Quote Duck Quotes Golfer Country Club

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Hidden Valley is a golf course in Springfield. Hidden Valley is also the name of a brand of ranch dressing, and that’s more suited to my game.”

Humor Golf Golf Course Golfing Golfer Ranch Ranch Dressing Springfield

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“People watch my unique style of play, and they want to know my top three golf influences. That's easy. John Daly, practicing daily, and an orange and white cat surrounded by yellow ducklings.”

Practice Cat Golf Absurd Cats Surreal Golfing Ducklings Golfer John Daly

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“A dandelion is the golf-ball-on-a-tee of the flower world. That makes me The John Daly of gardeners.”

Humor Flower Garden Golf Absurd Gardening Gardener Golfing Dandelion John Daly

Book:Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“I play golf like a machine. That machine is a tractor.”

Humor Golf Grass Golfing Machine Golfer Greens Tractor

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I have a golf swing like a Rosary dangling off a car's rearview mirror. I hope watching me play makes you realize Catholicism isn't for you.”

Catholic Golf Absurd Catholicism Golfing Rosary Golf Swing Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Golfing is a gateway drug to duck farming. Just being out in nature is addicting.”

Nature Golf Ducks Duck Golfing Duck Quote Duck Quotes Scenic Beauty

Book:Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“He has a golf swing like a Bukowski line. It's slightly rough, but it's got a shape that knifes through time.”

Poetry Time Poet Poem Golf Author Golfing Bukowski Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I shimmy so much before teeing off, people are probably thinking, "Are you going to golf—or dance?” Well, why not both?”

Thinking Humor Dancing Golf Dance Absurd Golfing Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.”

Real Ends Hard Play Half Comedy Golf Rounds Woods Checks Golfing Tick Funny Golf Playing Golf Great Golfing Funny Golfing

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“If you take my entire golfing life, my favorites are the older courses, the more traditional and the more authentic.”

Ifs Courses Traditional Golfing

Author:Trent Dilfer

“Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.”

Fun Half Golf Other Half Golfing Funny Golf Great Golfing Funny Golfing Golf Putting

Author:Peter Dobereiner

“I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.”

Lasts Games Golf Deny Dirty Bob Eagles Golfers Golfing Golf Life Funny Golf Great Golfing Funny Golfing Golf Ball Greatest Golf Golf Game Allegations Moose Golf Jokes Good Golf Elk

Author:Gerald R. Ford

“It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get.”

“Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play.”

Years Stills Ideas Play Games Answers Havens Golf Puzzles Golfing Funny Golf Playing Golf Great Golfing Funny Golfing Golf Game Inspirational Golf

Author:Gary Player

“I never felt that I didn't have a chance to win.”

“Even the White House is weighing in on the deflate-gate scandal. Yesterday they encouraged Tom Brady to 'be mindful of the way he serves as a role model.' And then President Obama stuffed out his cigarette and went golfing at noon on a weekday.”

Way House President White Roles Models Yesterday Gates White House Role Models President Obama Toms Cigarette Scandal Noon Golfing Weighing Brady Weekdays

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Good golfing temperament falls between taking it with a grin or shrug and throwing a fit.”

Fall Fit Golf Throwing Temperament Golfing

Author:Sam Snead

“It is today an accepted principle of golfing architecture that the tiger should be teased and trapped and tested, while the rabbit should be left to peace, since he can make his own hell for himself.”

Should Today Left Principles Hell Golf Architecture Accepted Trapped Tigers Tested Rabbits Golfing

Author:Bernard Darwin

“The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.”

Source: Quotes from Billy Graham: A Legacy of Faith

“I'm a competitor. No matter what I'm doing, whether I'm golfing, whether I'm playing indoor soccer with my fiancé - he's not going to get by me. I'm going to try to do whatever I can to win.”

Trying I Can Matter Winning No Matter What Soccer Competitors Golfing

Author:Carli Lloyd

“Graduation is a big deal-bigger than getting a hole-in-one while golfing. People might think you're lying about the hole-in-one, but when you graduate, you get a diploma.”

People Thinking Bigs Might Lying Deals Bigger Holes Graduates Big Deal Golfing Diploma Hole In One

Author:Anderson Cooper

“The funny thing is, last summer we were golfing together, me, him and Alonzo Mourning. I don't know how to golf, but it's an unbelievable opportunity to go out and golf with one of the greats. And he's out there making fun of my swing - I can't hit the ball - and I'm getting frustrated because I'm a competitor. So Alonzo pulled me aside and said, 'Man, you're getting the chance to golf with Bill Russell. How many people can say they've done that?' And I looked at him and said, 'You know what? You're right.'”

People Knows Men Said I Can Done Together Lasts Opportunity Fun Chance Know How Summer Balls Bills Golf Mourning Swings Frustrated Unbelievable Competitors Funny Things Golfing Last Summer

Author:Dwyane Wade

“I'm kind of like a guy who's missing a little bit of the guy gene. Like, I love steak, but the notion of golfing is the last thing I would want to do. I love women, but I'm also a mama's boy, and some of my best friends are women. So I'm kinda half guy's guy.”

Want Kind Littles Lasts Guy Bits Half Boys Missing Little Bit Notion Genes My Best Friend Mama Golfing Steak Mama's Boy

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“It is not mere technical skill that makes a man a golfer, it is the golfing soul.”

Men Soul Skills Mere Golfers Golfing Technical Skills

Book:Fore!: The Best of Wodehouse on Golf

Source: Fore!: The Best of Wodehouse on Golf

“When I'm playing well, I don't even take aim.”

Wells Aim Golf Golfers Golfing Playing Golf

Author:Fred Couples

“The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.”

“Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses...”

Funny Courses Church Worship Golf Golfers Golf Course Golfing Golf Life Funny Golf Funny Golfing Synagogue Golf Humor

Author:Adlai Stevenson I

“A lot of guys who have have never choked, have never been in the position to do so.”

Guy Position Golf Golfers Golf Course Golfing Golf Life Motivational Golf

Author:Tom Watson

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