“I don't know what reception I'm at, but for God's sake give me a gin and tonic.”
Funny Drinking Quotes
Browse 163 quotes about Funny Drinking.
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Funny Drinking Quotes
“I drink Champagne when I win, to celebrate...and I drink Champagne when I lose, to console myself.”
“Best while you have it use your breath, There is no drinking after death.”
Source: Travels With My Aunt
“I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin”
“Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.”
Source: Time Enough for Love
“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
Source: The Good Life According to Hemingway
“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”
Source: The Good Life According to Hemingway
“A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.”
“Wine gives a man nothing... it only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost.”
“People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.”
Source: The Wit & Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln: A Treasury of Quotations, Anecdotes, and Observations
“A drink a day keeps the shrink away.”
Source: The Monkey Wrench Gang
“You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
“I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!”
“I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.”
Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People
“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”
“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.”
“Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.”
“Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”
“Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”
Source: The Complete Prefaces: 1914-1929
“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
“What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?”
“An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.”
“Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.”
Source: Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend
“Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.”
“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”
“The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.”
Source: Real Frank Zappa Book