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Funny Beer Quotes

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Funny Beer Quotes

“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.”

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”

“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”

“He that drinks fast, pays slow. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.”

“I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.”

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

“You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”

“If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.”

“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”

“I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.”

“Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.”

“Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”

“Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”

“The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.”

“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

“What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?”

“An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.”

“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.”

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”

“The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.”

“You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”

“There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.”

“Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chamber of my brain — Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies Come to life and fade away; What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today.”

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”

“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.”

“I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.”

“I drink to make other people interesting.”

“I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.”