“They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.”
Source: Crying With Laughter: My Life Story
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Famous Bob Monkhouse Quotes
“I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.”
“My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.”
Source: Crying With Laughter: My Life Story
“I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.”
“Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.”
“Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?”
Source: Crying With Laughter: My Life Story
“My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.”
“I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.”
“Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.”
“I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.”
“When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?”
“It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.”
“Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.”
Source: The complete speaker's handbook
“I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!”
“With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.”
“I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.”
“They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.”
“If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?”