“I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.” ThinkingSaidSawsFamiliarPhrasesSpecialists Author:Bob Monkhouse
“Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.” FeelsSaidNiceMissingQuietLaughterHearingNoiseFuneralNice ThingsDeceasedI Feel Sad Author:Bob Monkhouse
“My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.” SaidFunnyMotherBabyMomBagsDeniedPlasticKill MeBeing A MomPlastic BagsFunny Mothers DayFunny MotherhoodFunny Mother Author:Bob Monkhouse
“My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'” LoveWellsSaidTwoHumorFunnyMotherWifeWeekMy WifeWeekendRoofTwo WeeksFunny Love Author:Bob Monkhouse
“They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.” WellsSaidHumorWantedFunnyLaughingSmartCleverComedianLaughed Author:Bob Monkhouse
