“My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.”
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Famous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
“He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.”
“Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.”
“I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.”
“My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”
“I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.”
“What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.”