“I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
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Famous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
“I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."”
“I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".”
“If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
“My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.”
“If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.”
“I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.”
“I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.”
“If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.”
“My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.”
“I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.”
“I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.”
“If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.”
“If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant.”