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Quote by Lewis Black

“This book is dedicated to all of my friends who helped me get to where I am today - you know who you are... and when I find you I am going to kill you.”

Quote by Lewis Black

Author

Lewis Black is a renowned American comedian known for his sharp wit and incisive humor. Born on August 30, 1948, he has been active in the comedy scene since the 1980s, gaining widespread recognition for his unique style of humor that often tackles social issues and current events with a humorous twist. more

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“I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe.”

Believe Mean Made Enough Humor Funny Universe Sweet Don't Believe Smell Sugar Pie Pumpkin Pumpkin Pie

Book:Nothing's Sacred

Source: Nothing's Sacred

“Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.”

Ifs Years Firsts Wells Humor Funny Swimming Crap Great Year

Author:Lewis Black

“If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.”

Ifs Humor Funny Hurt Adults Dresses Planning Halloween

Author:Lewis Black

“North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.”

Country Humor Funny Monkeys Korea Wizards North Korea

Author:Lewis Black

“We use similar products. Our focus industry is healthcare and hospitality. But we haven?t done anything interactive. The first day full of seminars is full of things I thought would be useful: quick service restaurant and mobile phone applications. Businesses are providing more services and products by self-service means.”

“My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.”

Doe Humor Funny Difficult Wife Sells My Wife Seashore

Author:Milton Jones

“If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.”

Ifs Humor Funny Illegal Bees Veils Furious Keepers

Author:Milton Jones

“I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.”

Ifs Knows Humor Funny Eating Clouds Fallen Plates Cauliflower

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“So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.”

Long Humor Funny Spiritual Turns Leader Necks Goats Lama Tibet Spiritual Leader

Author:Milton Jones

“About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.”

Humor Funny Months Died Covered Grandfather My Grandfather Lard

Author:Milton Jones