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Quote by Lundy Bancroft

“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he's not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”

Quote by Lundy Bancroft

Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Work

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Written by a renowned expert in the field of psychology, this comprehensive guide examines the complex psychological factors that contribute to anger and control issues in men. The book provides a detailed analysis of the underlying causes, the impact on relationships, and practical strategies for dealing with such behavior. more

Author

Lundy Bancroft is a renowned author specializing in the fields of domestic violence and intimate relationship education and research. His work aims to help people understand and address domestic violence issues, support victims, and educate the public to raise awareness of the problem. more

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“The central attitudes driving the Water Torturer are: You are crazy. You fly off the handle over nothing. I can easily convince other people that you're the one who is messed up. As long as I'm calm, you can't call anything I do abusive, no matter how cruel. I know exactly how to get under your skin.”

People Knows Long I Can Matter Water Attitude Crazy Skins Calm Driving Handle Convince Abusive Messed Up

Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Source: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches a hole in the wall; throws things at you; blocks your way; restrains you; grabs, pushes, or pokes you; or threatens to hurt you, that's physical abuse. He is creating fear and using your need for physical freedom and safety as a way to control you.”

Source: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Abuse and respect are diametric opposites: You do not respect someone whom you abuse, and you do not abuse someone whom you respect.”

Opposites Abuse Respect Someone

Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Source: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and commitment that develop in the couple, the more the abuser comes to think of his partner as a prized object. Possessiveness is at the core of the abuser's mindset, the spring from which all the other streams spout; on some level he feels that he owns you and therefore has the right to treat you as he sees fit.”

Thinking Feels Reason Levels Objects Serious Couple Fit Spring Commitment Treats Abuse Mindset Partners Core Reason Why Streams Ownership Abusers Possessiveness

Author:Lundy Bancroft

“It is not possible to be truly balanced in one's views of an abuser and an abused woman. As Dr. Judith Herman explains eloquently in her masterwork Trauma and Recovery, “neutrality” actually serves the interests of the perpetrator much more than those of the victim and so is not neutral. Although an abuser prefers to have you wholeheartedly on his side, he will settle contentedly for your decision to take a middle stance. To him, that means you see the couple's problems as partly her fault and partly his fault, which means it isn't abuse.”

Source: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“I'm happy to report that 'The New Press' is still in business to this day. But not thanks to me. I was a really bad publishing intern.”

Stills Presses Thanks Reports This Day Publishing

Author:Lev Grossman

“It is important to note that research has shown that men who have abusive mothers do not tend to develop especially negative attitudes toward females, but men who have abusive fathers do; the disrespect that abusive men show their female partners and their daughters is often absorbed by their sons. So while a small number of abusive men do hate women, the great majority exhibit a more subtle-though often quite pervasive-sense of superiority or contempt toward females, and some don't show any obvious signs of problems with women at all until they are in a serious relationship.”

“But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life, always forcing his way into the center of the picture. You deserve to have your life be about you; you are worth it.”

Way Life Is Decision Deserve Critical Partners Worth It Lenses Critical Decisions

Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Source: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her as an excuse to mistreat you, stop believing anything he tells you about that relationship and instead recognize it as a sign that he has problems with relating to women.”

Men Believe Use Problem Fine Excuse Partners Instant Bad Experiences Mistreat

Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Source: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don't seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser's friends may think the world of him. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol. He may simply not fit anyone's image of a cruel or intimidating person. So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser.”