Quotessence
Home / Books / Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Book by Lundy Bancroft · 15 quotes · Abuse, Partners, Abusers

Filter quotes by topic

AllAbusePartnersAbusersMenIfsAbusiveBelieveGivingLongWayAggressionCreatingDecisionExploitationGiving UpHappensHarmLuxuryMatterNeeds

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men Quotes

“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man's emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.”

MenLongFactsHalfViolenceEmotionalAbuseObviousHarmPartnersWoundsCrueltyReportsLastingScarEmotional AbuseSlapLong Lasting
Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image

“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he's not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”

NeedsGivingFeelsTryingBelieveMatterEnoughSeemsResponsibilityDemandCaughtTrapsEntitledPitsNeedyDrainedAbusersCatering
Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image

“The central attitudes driving the Water Torturer are: You are crazy. You fly off the handle over nothing. I can easily convince other people that you're the one who is messed up. As long as I'm calm, you can't call anything I do abusive, no matter how cruel. I know exactly how to get under your skin.”

PeopleKnowsLongI CanMatterWaterAttitudeCrazySkinsCalmDrivingHandleConvinceAbusiveMessed Up
Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image

“Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches a hole in the wall; throws things at you; blocks your way; restrains you; grabs, pushes, or pokes you; or threatens to hurt you, that's physical abuse. He is creating fear and using your need for physical freedom and safety as a way to control you.”

IfsMenWayNeedsHappensHurtWallCreatingAbuseRaisesSafetyPartnersHolesBlockAggressionFistsPokePhysical AbuseCreating Fear
Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image

“It is not possible to be truly balanced in one's views of an abuser and an abused woman. As Dr. Judith Herman explains eloquently in her masterwork Trauma and Recovery, “neutrality” actually serves the interests of the perpetrator much more than those of the victim and so is not neutral. Although an abuser prefers to have you wholeheartedly on his side, he will settle contentedly for your decision to take a middle stance. To him, that means you see the couple's problems as partly her fault and partly his fault, which means it isn't abuse.”

MeanProblemWomenSidesInterestDecisionViewsImpossibleMiddleCoupleBalanceAbuseVictimFaultsTraumaRecoverySettlingBalancedDrsImpossibilityExplainingOppressorsEloquentStanceNeutralityAbusersPerpetratorsWholeheartedlyAbusive RelationshipAbused WomenRelationship ProblemWeak Women
Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image

“But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life, always forcing his way into the center of the picture. You deserve to have your life be about you; you are worth it.”

WayLife IsDecisionDeserveCriticalPartnersWorth ItLensesCritical Decisions
Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image

“It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her as an excuse to mistreat you, stop believing anything he tells you about that relationship and instead recognize it as a sign that he has problems with relating to women.”

MenBelieveUseProblemFineExcusePartnersInstantBad ExperiencesMistreat
Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image