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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own.”

Quote by Craig Ferguson

Author

English biography, 120-180 words more

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“It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.”

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“Sarah Palin is speaking out about the oil spill. She said, I'm not kidding, we should ask the Dutch for help with the spill because the Dutch have the world's best dikes. So let me get this straight. It is OK to cover lesbians in oil but you just can't let them get married.”

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“There were times when I had great times with my brothers, pillow fights and things, but I used to always cry from loneliness.”

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“Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.”

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“What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!”

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“I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.”

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“Ocean's 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn't want to see that? Well you, apparantly, 'cause you're watching me.”

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“It's a great day for America, everybody! It's Monday, woo.”

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“The sexy magazine in Britain in that time was called Club International. Club International: It was about as international as the International House of Pancakes. It should have been called Naked Cockney Girls with Scurvy.”

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“You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years old. That's a law: before you can call something an antique, it has to be a hundred years old. In L.A., something that's been around for a couple of weeks is an antique. It's true! People are like, Look at this old-fashioned iPod. Look at this! It's the size of a man's hand! Ha ha ha ha. Back then-back then, people thought Mel Gibson was just acting crazy. It was a very different time.”

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