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Quote by Christopher Titus

“The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.”

Author

Christopher Titus is an American comedian known for his unique humor style and autobiographical comedy. Born on October 1, 1964, he has had a career in comedy for over 30 years. Titus' work often involves personal experiences, including his family background, marriage, and professional challenges. more

“How come Mom is crazy and I'm not? Well, it's possible my mom could stand up in front of this many people and talk about all the crap in her life and those people could have sat around and laughed with her, it would've meant nothing and she could have moved on cool. It's also possible she could have taken out the whole front row with a large-caliber weapon.”

People Wells Whole Taken Crazy Fronts Mom Weapons Moved My Mom Sat Laughed Crap Moved On Caliber

Author:Christopher Titus

“I believe life is about balance. My mom was brilliant, yet manipulative. Beautiful, but had more voices in her head than the Wu-Tang Clan. Loves her kids, killed her last husband. I say last husband because you don't get another one after that.”

Believe Kids Lasts Beautiful Life Is I Believe Voice Mom Balance Husband My Mom Brilliant Clans Manipulative Wu Tang Clan

Author:Christopher Titus

“Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, "Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!"”

Fighting Dad

Author:Christopher Titus

“So it seems that because of every syndrome and disorder we've invented in the past twenty years, the Los Angeles Times reported that 63% of American families are now considered dysfunctional. My God! That means we're the majority. We're normal! It's the people who have the mommy, the daddy, the brother, the sister, the little white picket fence - those people are the freaks, man!”