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Quote by Emo Philips

“Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.”

Quote by Emo Philips

Author

Emo Philips, born on February 7, 1956, is a versatile entertainer known for his contributions to music, performance, and comedy. His unique style and humor have won him the affection of a wide audience. more

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“My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.”

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“My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?”

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“I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.”

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“I don't know if I have sexual magnetism or animal magnetism, though sometimes I'll find a squirrel stuck to my forehead.”

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“But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.”

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“In tough economic times, desperate people do desperate things, and the abortion rate goes up.”

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“I'd be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I'd run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.”

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“I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.”

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“The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.”

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“Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.”

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