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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.”

Quote by Craig Ferguson

Author

English biography, 120-180 words more

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“A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should spend his time trying to improve stuff like education. New York needs a better education system if kids didn't figure out they could get around the 16-ounce soda ban by simply purchasing two 12-ounce sodas.”

Ifs Thinking Needs Should Trying Two Kids Law Stuff Cities Figures New York Judging New York City Bans Mayors Education System Soda Purchasing

Author:Craig Ferguson

“The nation of Iran is threatening to sue the makers of the movie Argo. They say the movie was an unrealistic portrayal of their country. You can't do that! That would be like Scotland suing over the movie Shrek.”

Country Would Be Nations Iran Makers Scotland Threatening Portrayal Suing Argo

Author:Craig Ferguson

“The new Pope, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, is now Pope Francis the 1st. Francis was not his first choice for a name. But the Vatican wisely talked him out of Pope Boo Boo.”

Firsts Choices Names Pope Cardinals Mario Boo Boo

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Yeah, "Wacko Jacko". Where'd that come from? Some English tabloid. I have a heart and I have feelings, I feel that, when you do that to me. It's not nice.”

Feels Heart Feelings Nice Yeah Tabloids

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“Here at CBS, spring also means March Madness. I love the name March Madness. I'm glad the PC police haven't made us change March Madness to early spring psychosis.”

Mean Made Names Havens Spring Madness Police Glad March Psychosis Early Spring

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Even though it's warm here in L.A., people still have to wear layers - at least until their plastic surgery heals.”

People Stills Warm Heal Layers Plastic Surgery Plastic Surgery

Author:Craig Ferguson

“The first day of spring is known as the vernal equinox. The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC.”

Years Firsts Happens Night Known Special Spring Rating Good Night Nbc First Day Of Spring Equinox

Author:Craig Ferguson

“A new study says by 2030 household robots will dominate every phase of our lives. The study says the No. 1 field for robot growth is medicine. That makes sense. Robots already perform well in surgery. That is, until there is a power outage. Then it's just a coat rack leaning over you as you bleed to death.”

Wells Growth Study Our Lives Fields Medicine Make Sense Over You Household Phases Surgery Coats Robots Racks

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Every year there's a jury at the Cannes Film Festival. Getting on the jury is very competitive in France. Not because the French love cinema, but because they love to judge.”

Years Film Judging Judgment France Cinema Festivals Jury Film Festivals Cannes French Love Cannes Film Festival

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Ratings experts say the best way to get people to watch during sweeps is to leave the audience with a question that won't be answered until the next time the show is on. You know, like Who shot J.R.? I like to think I do this every night - the question is, Is this show still on?”

People Thinking Knows Way Stills Shows Night Next Watches Audience Shots Best Way Experts Every Night Next Time Rating

Author:Craig Ferguson