Home / Quotes / Quote by Jim Gaffigan

Quote by Jim Gaffigan

“I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."”

Quote by Jim Gaffigan

Author

Jim Gaffigan, born on July 7, 1966, is an American comedian known for his humorous and insightful performances. His style of comedy is characterized by its wit and keen observations of everyday life, often touching on themes such as family, religion, and interpersonal relationships. more

You May Also Like

“I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.”

Knows Ideas Facts Humor Funny Sides Water Rough Bottles Printed Chemist

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like "Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much."”

Humor Funny Causes Too Much Lows Blue Wings Excuse Meals Extras Cheese Buffalo Appetizers Too Much Fun Blue Cheese

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"”

Thinking Knows Mean Has Beens Home Humor School Funny Guy Tvs High School Sitting Pope That Guy Jerk Poland Watching Tv

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!"”

People Ifs Humor Funny Glasses Ems Get Away

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.”

Humor Funny Fun Animal Pet Ems Animal Love

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“You think when gym teachers were younger, they're thinking, "You know, I want to teach...but I don't want to read. How about kickball for 40 years?"”

Thinking Knows Want Years Humor Funny Teach Teacher Gym Gym Teacher

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"”

Want Kind Hard Humor Funny Water Drink Shots Yeah Glasses Eight Ems I Am Single

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, "There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man."”

Men Humor Funny Beautiful Fall Cities Wife Minutes Ten Sitting Falling In Love My Wife Beautiful Women Subway I Fall In Love

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'”

Humor Funny Dirty Sandwiches Olives Martini Bologna

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?”

Humor Funny Machines Braille

Author:George Carlin