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Quote by John Oliver

“News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.”

Quote by John Oliver

Author

John Oliver, born on April 23, 1977, is a renowned British comedian. He is known for his unique sense of humor and sharp wit, having made a name for himself in various comedy programs as a host and writer. Oliver has achieved significant success in the comedy industry, winning multiple Emmy Awards among others. more

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“Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.”

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“You know, the Oscar I was awarded for The Untouchables is a wonderful thing, but I can honestly say that I'd rather have won the U.S. Open Golf Tournament.”

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“Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'”

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“Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.”

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“If you’ve been here, in New York, it has been dominated by the UN General Assembly, the annual event where delegates come from all over the world to f*** up this city’s traffic.”

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“You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter.”

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“One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.”

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“According to current Florida law you can get a gun, follow an unarmed minor, call the police, have them explicitly tell you to stop following [the minor] and choose to ignore that, keep following the minor, get into a confrontation with them, and if at any point during that process you get scared you can shoot the minor to death, and the state of Florida will say, 'Well, look: you did what you could.'”

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“Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'”

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“Agnostics are just atheists without balls.”

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