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Quote by Jay Leno

“Martha Stewart published her recipe for disaster -- mix one part arrogance with two parts incompetence, simmer in the juices and then serve hot in the can.”

Quote by Jay Leno

Author

Jay Leno (born April 28, 1950) is an American comedian, television host, writer, and car enthusiast. He is best known for hosting NBC's The Tonight Show from 1992 to 2009, and again from 2010 to 2014. Known for his gentle humor, observational comedy, and distinctive chin, Leno became a household name in late-night television. Beyond comedy, he is a passionate car collector with a vast collection of vehicles. He also engages in philanthropy, supporting education, healthcare, and veteran causes. Leno's career spans decades, and he is regarded as one of the most successful talk show hosts in American history. more

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“Tough times for Martha Stewart. Yesterday, Martha Stewart reported to her parole officer and had to take a mandatory urine test for cocaine and marijuana. Martha was found to be drug-free and her urine was found to be a lovely yellow saffron.”

Found Drug Tough Tests Yesterday Lovely Officers Yellow Marijuana Tough Times Cocaine Parole Saffron Drug Free

Author:Conan O'Brien

“As you know President Bush has been traveling around the country trying to sell his new Social Security plan. He wants to take our retirement money and invest it in the stock market. He says nothing can go wrong. I'll mention that to Martha Stewart the next time I see her.”

Knows Want Trying Has Beens Country Next Social President Plans Security Sells Retirement Next Time Social Security President Bush

Author:Jay Leno

“I have a very large forehead. I have a pronounced skull. Maybe producers think that there is a lot going on up in there.”

Thinking Producers Foreheads Skulls

Author:Neil Patrick Harris

“Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress.”

Years Lying Justice Four Congress Obstruction

Author:Craig Kilborn

“Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year.”

Knows Years Mean Found Guilty Stripes

Author:Jay Leno

“Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart trial reached a verdict. Martha was found guilty on all charges. In a related story, there's a huge sale at K-Mart.”

Stories Today Found Huge Trials Guilty Related Jury Verdict

Author:Conan O'Brien

“This is serious, if Martha gets the maximum sentence on all counts, she could serve 20 years in prison. Of course, you have to take off time off for good behavior, which means 20 years in prison.”

Ifs Years Mean Courses Serious Behavior Prison Sentences Maximum Time Off Good Behavior

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Federal authorities have informed Martha Stewart's lawyers she will be indicted for her role in the ImClone insider trading scandal. Good news for Martha - stripes are back in this year.”

Years Roles Authority News Lawyer Good News Trading Scandal Stripes Insiders Insider Trading

Author:Craig Kilborn

“Yes! We finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the public by companies like Enron, Global Crossing, and Tyco we finally got the ring leader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle.”

Knows Nations Company Leader Terror Rings Massive Fraud Captured Crossings Enron Periwinkle

Author:Jon Stewart

“Earlier today Martha Stewart issued a statement saying 'I am innocent and will fight to clear my name.' Yeah, Martha then said 'I look forward to the day when people stop thinking I am guilty and get back to thinking I am cold and arrogant.'”

People Thinking Looks Said Today Fighting Names Clear Cold Yeah Statements Innocent Guilty Get Back Arrogant

Author:Conan O'Brien