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Quote by Brian Regan

“I go in for the eye test, and I don't know about you, but I concentrate like crazy during the eye exam. You don't want to get no 'D' on that thing and end up with these big thick Coke bottle glasses.”

Quote by Brian Regan

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Brian Regan
Brian Regan

Brian Regan, born on June 2, 1957, is an American comedian known for his unique humor style and insightful performances. He is renowned for his comedic routines that delve into everyday life, social phenomena, and personal experiences, which have won him a wide fan base. more

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“I have a friend who swears by food combinations - have you heard of this nonsense? She's nuts. She's like, 'You know what? You should eat food combinations, and that way you can eat whatever you want. It's just the combinations of how you put the food together.' And then her examples are like, 'You wouldn't want to eat steak and potatoes together, but you could have, like, a lemon rind and raisin skins - not the whole raisin, take the skins and steam them.”

KnowsWayWantShouldWholeTogetherHeardExampleLike YouSkinsCombinationNonsenseNutsSwearPotatoesSteamLemonsSteakRaisins
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“So my doctor told me to watch what I'm eating - to read food labels. I'm in the store reading the Fig Newtons label: I've always liked Fig Newtons. I'm reading the label to make sure everything's fine: fat content. I looked at the serving size; two cookies. Who eats two cookies? I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve: two sleeves is a serving size. I open them both and eat them like a tree chipper; Fig Newton shavings coming off the side.”

TwoReadingSidesWatchesTreeFineEatingDoctorsSizeStoresFatsLabelsServingCookiesNewtonSleevesFigsShaving
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“I don't know what in the hell's going on with cranberries, but they're getting in all the other juices. Whoever the salesman is for cranberries is doing a great job. He's showing up everywhere. Hey, what do you got, some apples? Put some cranberries in there. We'll call it cran-apple and go 50-50. What do you got grapes? How about cran-grape. What do you got mangos? Cran-mango. What do you got pork chops? Cran-chops. Why don't you back off, cran-man. Why don't you take your sales trophy and have a vacation.”

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Author:Brian Regan
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