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Shaving Quotes

Browse 110 quotes about Shaving.

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Shaving Quotes

“There's a reason caveman started to develop sophisticated tools before the meteor wiped them all out: It's so they could fucking shave. Do you know how frustrating it must have been to be hunched over all night trying to start a fire only to finally succeed just to have your beard go up in flames? No aloe vera back then.”

HumorFunnyHilariousBeardShavingGroomingRules To Rule ByAri GoldThe Gold Standard
Book:The Gold Standard: Rules to Rule By
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“Lawyers are shy of meddling with the Law on their own account: knowing it to be an edged tool of uncertain application, very expensive in the working, and rather remarkable for its properties of close shaving than for its always shaving the right person.”

PersonsLawKnowingToolsAccountsPropertyLawyerExpensiveRemarkableShyApplicationUncertainRight PersonShavingMeddling
Book:The Old Curiosity Shop ... With a Frontispiece. From a Painting by Geo. Cattermole, Etc
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“You cannot have one bathroom. And it don't matter how much you love your wife and everything, 'cause you wind up with no room at all. You just get a little corner and you've got a toothbrush and your paste and a shaving brush and a razor. And you can never get in there. So you must have two bathrooms. You really must. I think it's essential.”

ThinkingLittlesTwoMatterCausesRoomsWifeLove YouWindEssentialsCornersBrushesBathroomYour PastRazorsShavingToothbrushesLove Your Wife
Author:Michael Caine
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“In their censures of luxury the fathers are extremely minute and circumstantial; and among the various articles which excite their pious indignation, we may enumerate false hair, garments of any colour except white, instruments of music, vases of gold or silver, downy pillows, white bread, foreign wines, public salutations, the use of warm baths, and the practice of shaving the beard, which, according to Tertullian, is a lie against our own faces, and am impious attempt to improve the works of the Creator.”

MayUseFacesLyingFatherWhitePracticeHistoryMinutesHairGoldInstrumentsWineVariousCreatorWarmBreadLuxuryColourSilverArticlesBathsBeardPillowGarmentsPiousRoman EmpireIndignationCensureShavingVasesSalutationsWhite Bread
Book:The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
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“You kids have fun, and be home by Thanksgiving!" our parents would call to us on Halloween night, as we staggered out the front door, weighed down by hundreds of pounds of concealed vandalism supplies, including enough raw eggs to feed Somalia for decades. By morning, thanks to our efforts, the entire neighborhood would be covered with a layer of congealed shaving cream and toilet paper that, around certain unpopular neighbors' homes, was hundreds of feet thick. This is how the Appalachian Mountains were formed.”

EnoughHomeWould BeKidsNightCertainFunParentEffortMorningDoorsFeetFrontsMountainPaperIncludingDecadesNeighborThanksHaving FunNeighborhoodPoundsEggsCoveredThickLayersCreamHalloweenToiletsConcealedSuppliesFront DoorsShavingToilet PaperSomaliaVandalismHalloween NightShaving Cream
Author:Dave Barry
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“During the course of the year a number of ideas just come up automatically. I could be walking down the street. Or shaving. An idea will hit me and I'll write it down. Then, when I'm ready to write, I check my little matchbooks and napkins and find that it is good or it's pretty terrible. There are other times when I don't have any ideas and I'll go into a room and close the door and I sit and sweat it out for a day or a month and eventually I come up with [something].”

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Author:Woody Allen
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“Why do we shave? It doesn't seem like a natural activity. There are no examples of shaving in nature. The only creature that comes close is the male South Pacific Groping Beetle, which sometimes, just before mating, will slap on a little Aqua Velva. But we think this resulted from atomic testing.”

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Book:The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind Is Beer: And Other Manly Insights from Dave Barry
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“One of things about beards is that, when men reach a certain age, they'd like to see if they can grow one. It's a phenomenon I understand very well. After you get over the itchy face, you go, "Oh, I don't have to shave, that's cool." And then you move into the philosophical thing- people say, "You look weird, you have a beard." And you say, "No, actually, it's weird to shave." Having a beard is natural. When you think about it, shaving it off is quite weird.”

PeopleIfsThinkingMenWellsLooksAgeFacesMovingCertainGrowsNaturalPhilosophicalPhenomenonGet OverBeardShavingItchy
Author:Paul McCartney
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“So my doctor told me to watch what I'm eating - to read food labels. I'm in the store reading the Fig Newtons label: I've always liked Fig Newtons. I'm reading the label to make sure everything's fine: fat content. I looked at the serving size; two cookies. Who eats two cookies? I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve: two sleeves is a serving size. I open them both and eat them like a tree chipper; Fig Newton shavings coming off the side.”

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Author:Brian Regan
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