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Quote by Richard Jeni

“Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower.”

Quote by Richard Jeni

Author

Richard Jeni was a renowned American comedian, born on April 14, 1957, and passed away on March 10, 2007. Known for his unique humor style and satirical approach, Jeni was deeply loved by audiences. His comedic talent and wit have left a lasting impression on the comedy world. more

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“Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.”

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“There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.”

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“I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.”

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“That's why you have to like a guy like Charles Manson. Say what you will about Manson - he's one of the only people with the decency to look like a dangerous maniac the first time you meet him.”

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“It's always the guy who gets the diarrhea on the commercial at an inconvenient moment. As if you've ever been in a situation: 'You know, this would be a great time to get the runs, you think? I mean the sun's out, we're on the ferris wheel - what are we waiting for?”

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“At least the politicians are accountable to the voters.”

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“Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any worse than the assholes we're pumping out by accident?”

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“Nobody is really qualified to be the president. Basically it's an acting job. You have to act like you're the president. And every four years the country holds a big casting call.”

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“Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!”

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“In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.”

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