“When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.”
Quote by Tim Vine
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“I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.”
Source: The Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book
Source: The (Not Quite) Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book: Children's Edition
“You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.”
“I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'”
“So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."”