“Equestrian and sailing are sports for people growing up on the mean streets of Connecticut.” Quote by Craig Ferguson
“An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is really hard to tweet when you're swimming.” HardFunnyWinningSocialLossMediaGoldBlameSocial MediaDefenseSwimmingOlympicsMedalAustralianTweetGold MedalsSwimmerLondon Olympics Author:Conan O'Brien
“Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.” TodayFunnyTeamEventsBritishOlympicsSailingLimesLondon Olympics Author:Craig Ferguson
“Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform.” FunnyLastsNightTeamChineseUsaUniformsOlympicsLast NightLondon Olympics Author:Jay Leno
“The Olympics have just started and the Greeks are already 14 medals in debt.” FunnyDebtGreekOlympicsMedalLondon Olympics Author:Conan O'Brien
“The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.” IfsWellsCountryUseFunnyWinningGoldCashOlympicsMedalGold MedalsEuropean CountriesLondon Olympics Author:David Letterman
“The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him.” FunnyNextWinningGoldBlindSouthAthleteScaredOlympicsMedalKoreaGold MedalsSouth KoreaArcheryLondon Olympics Author:Jimmy Fallon
“The Queen of England jumped out of a helicopter and parachuted into the stadium. What was even more amazing was when Prince Charles flew in using his ears as a hang glider.” FunnyEarsEnglandQueensOlympicsFlewStadiumsHelicoptersLondon OlympicsQueen Of England Author:Jay Leno
“Even though the Olympics take place during Ramadan, some Muslim athletes said they will not fast during games. Then, after sampling the British food, they said, on second thought, fasting sounds good.” SaidFunnyGamesSoundAthleteBritishOlympicsThey SaidFastingSecond ThoughtsRamadanLondon OlympicsSampling Author:Conan O'Brien
“Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.'” FunnyTestsLondonOfficialsOlympicsMondayConductingArmstrongSteroidLondon Olympics Author:Jimmy Fallon
“In the spirit of the Olympic Games, they traditionally ask that all fighting and warfare around the world stop. So, there's hope for a ceasefire within the Jackson family.” WorldFunnySpiritFightingAsksGamesAround The WorldWarfareOlympicsOlympic GamesLondon OlympicsCeasefire Author:Jay Leno